You can tell that I’m coming to the end of my masters program. (One example is that I think I did my portfolio in my sleep. I seem to remember writing, “This assignment shows that we need reform and change in our galactic military strategy.” I hope I erased it. (I actually went back and checked it.)) You can also tell because I’m reading some philosophy stuff and if I went back to get my doctorate, I might actually get a philosophy degree. I can’t wait until I’m sane again. (No laughs, please.) I’m taking my capstone as well as a philosophy class. I needed the credit hours and knew that it would be more relaxing than a history course. If you want some more philosophy, check out Flashlight Peter‘s site of stuff. (He actually does invent flashlights.)

I’m reading Soren Kierkegaard‘s  Fear and Trembling right now. It’s the story of Abraham and Isaac in Moriah (kinda funny that Gandalf in Felowship of the Ring is sacrificed after visting the mines). I don’t necessarily agree with everything, but there are some things that do make me think.

I would have spoiled the whole story; for if I had got Isaac back again, I would have been in embarassment. What Abraham found easiest, I would have found hard, namely to be joyful again with Isaac; for he who with all the infinity of his soul by his own power and responsibility, has performed the infinite movement of resignation and cannot do more, only retains Isaac with pain.

He would have made a big show about the sacrifice that he had to make, offering up a century’s worth of hopes on one morning, and the hardships that he had to face. Instead, God supplied his needs.

Kierkegaard had described earlier how if he were Abraham he would have been there, right on time, or maybe even early to get it done with. He connects this to how we sometimes do stuff just to get it done for God and not out of pure love. Sure, we’re not doing it totally for ourselves, but when we don’t do it out of pure motives, we rob ourselves of pure joy. (The other thing he points out is that it’s very tough for us to have pure motives. There has to be some spiritual renewal that we can’t force no matter how hard we try.)

Here’s the kicker for me:

Faith therefore hopes also for this life, but, be it noted, by virtue of the absurd, not by virtue of of human understanding, otherwise it is only practical wisdom, not faith.

If I’m only hoping for what I think God can do, I only get a “Me”-sized god.

Sometimes we have to raise the knife, as it were, to illustrate that we, “have not withheld from me your son, your only son”.

Shining like the stars and all that.

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