My VCR is from the future. I bought it in a back alley in SoHo from an old Chinese man who smoked a pipe while working at his collection of curios. The wise old man told me to never get my VCR wet and to never feed it Dancing with the Stars after midnight. (Okay, so my dad got it for me for Christmas…but it does have a hard drive. Clear evidence of its future origin.)
One day when I plugged it in I got a program from January of 2008. It was a review of MacWorld 2008. Since Apple is so forward-thinking (when I say ‘forward-thinking’, insert the words ‘Howard Rheingold‘), it only makes sense that my VCR picked up a segment on the iPhone from 2008.
Here are some of its features:

1. Instead of using an on-screen touchpad like the one from 2007 (which looks FF: Spirits Within-ish), it would connect to your very soul. Sure, it’s really cool to browse your playlists by flipping through album covers, scrolling through alphabetized lists, or the usual iPod standards, but I think it would be better to play what you were truly craving. As part of the iTunes EULA, they would have you sign an agreement to use Barry White for good and not evil. The 2008 iPhone has that.
2. The 2007 model sorts and color codes your text message conversations so that you can follow the threads. The 2008 model rips your friend out of their current space-time continuum and imports them into a vCard in your iPhone. This Pokephone dimensional pocket helps bring worlds together. And then smash them apart with matter/anti-matter anamolies.
3. The 2008 iPhone also searches for Zune networks of users, because Steve Wozniak has always been a fan of charity.
4. The 2007 iPhone has built in sensors to determine how much display energy is needed based on lighting, sensors to determine whether you’re viewing a webpage horizontally or vertically, and even a sensor to turn off the display if vertical motion matches the action of putting the phone up to your ear. The 2008 iPhone has an additional sensor to zoom in if you are not annoyingly close enough to the camera for a YouTube vlog.
5. Running off of the new version of OSX, the 2008 Zune Virus, which uses MapQuest to track your position and make purchases for H0T St0c4 in your area, is never an issue. Instead you can let the NSA track you voluntarily with Google Earth. You just have to enter your system password every time they want to intrude.
6. In 2007 ‘Apple Computers’ became ‘Apple’ because of all of the peripherals. In 2008 ‘Apple’ became ‘The Illuminated Majestic-12 Fruit of the Templar’ because of the world domination.
7. Each 2008 iPhone is hand-delivered to your doorstep by a clone of Captain O.W. Pappy Henderson to ensure the utmost customer service. You can pay additional shipping charges to have it delivered by Leroy Jenkins.

*An example of forward-thinking: Howard Rheingold would meet the Internet-inventing Al Gore in an abandoned factory, do his thang, and Steve Harvey would declare that the robot got served. Rheingold would then get a reality show on MTV called ‘The Mobile Life’, where he would open suitcases full of SMS devices until he made a deal and he would hook up with a South Korean girl to play Guild Wars into the wee hours of the morning.

Semi-related posts:

1. Disturbed vs. Not Disturbed
2. Differences between Windows Vista and Mac OSX
3. Simpsons movie, eh?