My Doctor is Experimenting on my Eyes

The Haiku
Eyes? Who needs two eyes?
What’s the worst that could happen?
New technology

I’m trying out an upgrade of my current type of contacts, but then my eye doctor asked me to compare them to a new type of nighttime tinting contact.

Day 1. I can see.

I need to figure out some way to objectively measure contact performance. (Really, I need more science to my mad.)

“Viennese Waltz. I don’t know much about the Viennese, but I hear they’re good people.”
- Twitch, from So You Think You Can Dance

A Mathematical Formula for How Many People Share Stan Lee Characteristics in the Marvel Universe


Yep, Devin, you asked for it. Here’s how to figure out a predictability of how many people in the Marvel universe share Stan Lee characteristics.

As x approaches Stan Lee, x is multiplied by the 12 movies so far, rising exponentially by Life, the Universe, and Everything, factored by the amount of gamma radiation present (I find it funny that it looks like a hangman’s gallows) within the boundaries of how many movies make money divided by the 31 attempts so far. Solution: As long as Marvel movies make money, the rate of babies born looking like Stan Lee will increase exponentially. Modus ponens Excelsior! (Not counting ‘Who wants to be a super-hero?’ because, frankly, no one watches that anymore.)
(Do you like my wife’s ultra cool stationery?)
(I being an expert on cool.)

Here’s a cool mash-up of Stan Lee’s cameos:

With the upcoming X-Men Origins: Wolverine movie slated for May 1, 2009:
The Good News

  1. Remy LeBeau
  2. Deadpool
  3. (my obsession ever since Ultimate Alliance)

  4. Dominic Monaghan

The Bad News

  1. Will.i.am
  2. (Remember a Wayans in DnD? Surprisingly, the Academy didn’t!)

And Mike, here’s your Star Wars parody. I felt like demonstrating another funny situation where real life people interact with a fantasy world:

(Star Wars being reality and American Politics a fantasy. I thought we all knew that.)

The Haiku
Math illustrated
by non-traditional means
makes it spicier!

Reliability

The Haiku
Deliver parcels
on time and consistently
so consumers smile

J got his Wii today. Simple strategy? Find a store manager who actually tracks his shipments and has a reliable UPS driver who shows up at the same time every delivery.

In your face, Wal-Mart! EBGames beat you out of another big sale.

2008 NBA Champion Boston Celtics

The NBA Finals are now over, after being pushed to a game 6 in which the Boston Celtics beat the Los Angeles Lakers in Boston.

“Beat” is an understatement in this situation though, considering the final score came to be 131-92. The Boston Celtics have come a long way since a year ago, when Paul Pierce was questioning his presence and continuity with the team, as well as if Danny Ainge spent his company time playing Gears of War and Halo all day instead of keeping tabs on scouting reports, cap space, future draft considerations, and the latest gossip on how Phil Jackson and Jeanie Buss are using the dog whisperer to train their dogs. Well, Danny Ainge came out and pulled off not one, but two blockbuster deals for two future Hall of Fame candidates in Ray Allen and Kevin Garnett. Among other additions, the teams newly found leaders coerced two 3-point specialists in James Posey and Eddie House(Former Sun) to join their team.

The Celtics at the end of the day had a stacked team of players that seem only likely to be on the same team if one were to do so in NBA 2k8. Though they are a talented bunch, I do have some issues with a lot of sports guys in the media world and the hype they’re giving this team.

This Boston Celtic “powerhouse” set an NBA record of their own…They are the first team to ever play the most post-season games at 26 games. The Celtics opened up in the 1st round of the playoffs barely surviving the onslaught of the Atlanta Hawks(barely made playoffs) as Ray Allen pulled a Casper disappearing act in the anti-clutch, forcing the series to 7. Next up on the radar is the Cavaliers led by LeBron James, which again, like before….the Celtics have to go 7 games to beat a Cavalier team that was 8 games above .500. Now…onto the Eastern Conference Finals against the media deemed “Mighty Mighty” Pistons(Sounds a lot like a movie starring Denzel Washington..) Now keep in mind that the Celtics up to this point had yet to win a road playoff game against the previous two teams. The Pistons series went 6 games, as the Celtics pulled out two wins against the Pistons on their home court.
As funny as all of the above sounds, I’m not making any of this stuff up, though I wish I could make up a plot line like this and send it in to the NBA Commissioner David Stern to come up with a new storyline for next season, and then focus every single possible NBA commercial on that team’s most famous star(Carmina Burana themed KG commercials).

The Celtics vs. Lakers NBA Finals was an interesting one that had several 20+ point leads decimated to nail-biting heroics that either saved the game or didn’t by both sides. The Celtics were able to pull out a defense of triple and quadruple teams on Kobe Bryant, forcing another Laker to step up…which did not happen at any point in this series except game 5 with Lamar Odom and Pau Gasol playing up to the standards they did which got them to the Finals.
Before I get to the Lakers, I want to make something perfectly clear. There are a lot of people, especially in the media that are saying that this Boston Celtic team is the absolute best team the NBA has ever seen. Here’s the deal….Larry Bird’s Celtics of the ’80′s were from top to bottom, far superior to the entire 2008 team, in every way, shape, and form known to man. Not only were they better players, but they were also great people and competitors, not wanting to celebrate too soon, and always wanting to stay humble in congratulating the enemy, even with as much competitive hate as they had toward Magic Johnson, still would go up to each player and congratulate them. Now I won’t go into what I saw from the 2008 Celtics team with 6 minutes left in the game, but all I will say is that stuff would not fly under Red Auerbach’s watch.
Needless to say, it seems that a lot of these media types seem to forget two 3-peat teams during the ’90′s, against a much tougher eastern conference let alone a much tougher league, and it was led by a guy named Michael Jordan, and they seemed to put down the hammer pretty well.

The Lakers had a strong run at the title with a 57-25 record, especially with being able to pull off a hijack of a deal getting All-Star PF Pau Gasol from the Memphis Grizzlies in wake of an unforseen injury to up and rising Center Andrew Bynum. After the Gasol trade, the Lakers went 27-9 to finish out with the top seed in the Western Conference. According to Phil Jackson, there will be some players let go from the Lakers this offseason, and it’s pretty obvious to anyone who watched the series who those guys are going to be. Laker legend Jerry West(guy in the NBA logo) has concerns with the frontcourt possibilities of Andrew Bynum joining Pau Gasol and Lamar Odom, though he believes if those three are used at the same time around the post, that will be the best and most powerful frontcourt in all of pro-basketball….and in the words of NBATV’s Rick Kamla they will then be the “3-headed monster”.
A lot of NBA analysts made the point clear at the beginning of the Western Conference playoffs that teams need to attack the Lakers this postseason, because next season they will add what is thought to be the next Shaq to their already great team, making them the favorite by a 7-2 margin to win the title next year.

Keys to the Boston victory: a. Getting away with illegal screens as KG constantly shoved players out of the way. b. PJ Brown illegally holding Pau Gasol in the post. c. Constant hacks on any Laker that drove it into the paint. d. Great three point shooting. e. Paul Pierce shooting lights out

Keys to the Lakers loss: a. Pau Gasol and Lamar Odom having a case of amnesia in forgetting how to play physical ball. b. Kobe Bryant having an awful NBA Finals shooting performance with exception to game 3, largely due to triple and quadruple teams. c. Sasha Vujacic disappearing for the entire series with exception to game 3′s 20 point performance. d. Vladimir Rodmanovic jacking up rainbow 3-point shots that had no chance of making it in the hoop anyway, as well as vital mental mistakes down the stretch. e. Derek Fisher still hasn’t gotten over the 2004 NBA Finals loss according to him.

Kobe Bryant will have to put his wishes for a title on hold until he gets an unstoppable force in the middle that can draw the same kind of attention as he does. So unless Andrew Bynum becomes what they think he will, Lakers will not win another NBA title.

One picture really sums this whole thing up:

Really Important News

The Haiku
Planets have been found
They need to be more famous
Is Wii Fit in stock?

Three Earth-ish planets have been found. Should be big news. But then Billy Ray Cyrus was on the Today show talking about a photo of his daughter. My daughter wouldn’t let me change the channel so I sat through it. No big deal, right? But now crazy bloggers are calling him an unfit dad because he won’t throw a fit.

fit…Fit…

The Wiis are sold out, again. No worries for me since I have one, but my brother-in-law (Rockstar 2.0, not Rockstar 3.0 beta) was promised one from his wife for Father’s Day. I’m helping him out (thus the Twitters from 4:30am in a Wal-Mart) but I’m trying to get a hold of Wii Fit. While staring at a Wii ad waiting for someone to respond to our cries for help in the electronics section, I became quite familiar with Wii Fit’s features.

How long did we wait at Wal-Mart the first night? Well, we saw the Journey concert series HD ad loops on the TVs five times.

I guess people are buying up entire shipments of Wii Fit and going crazy on eBay. There was one story where two guys walked into a Gamestop and bought 80 copies of WiiFit. Paid cash. Craziness.

It can be determined that Wal-Mart workers still have no clue when video game stuff comes in.

On the topic of 3.0, I did get Firefox 3.0 (see, there are some things you can get, even if there’s a huge line…and it didn’t take forever to download).

Firefox 3.0
I dig the huge back button because, yes, users do actually miss it when they try and click. Users who have been teaching for 30+ years and I have to teach them how to attach documents to an e-mail.

I also like the “Awesome Bar”, giving headlines from your recently visited sites. Pretty cool stuff.
Want in on the fun?



Improv Everywhere

BB
Well, it wasn’t Telephone, but they were passing a message.

The Wave on the Brooklyn Bridge, rendered in camera flashes. The really artsy flash is VaFer’s. (I think he’s at the 20 second mark. Maybe. Rain and glasses.)

Ah! The Flickr photostreams make more sense now.

Robots: Helpful Toaster or Mechanized Terror of an Artificial Morality

iPhones, what can’t they do? (Except for be on a cheaper network other that AT&T.)

But have you seen what Berkley put out?

My prediction? iPhone-guided nanobot swarm. Helpful AND terrifying! Two for one deal.

I wonder how the military reconciles this:

Applications may not be designed or marketed for real time route guidance; automatic or autonomous control of vehicles, aircraft, or other mechanical devices; dispatch or fleet management; or emergency or life-saving purposes.

Straight from Section 3.3.7 of the Software Developer’s Kit.

I guess Apple wants to limit the deaths of people using iPhones to people distracted in traffic while watching YouTube videos of lonelygirl.

On the topic of robot death, my cousin showed me a great website to watch anime on. Now I can figure out why all my students wear those crazy metal plates on their heads. (Not to protect against alien transmissions, I find out.)

I bought books one and two of Gundam towards the end of this past school year. My students responded, “Oh, I think my dad told me about this show once.” Come on! I’m not that old! It was on when I taught high school. Well, at least this old guy can watch the episodes. I recorded the first episode when it first aired on Cartoon Network way back when. I missed one episode (being an adult with a job and all) and the whole continuity was ebbed. Click here to watch some Gundam.

Sorry, Slade. No GT, but I think you’ll still be happy.

Mike and Devin, we should try and re-live college some time.

The Haiku
Blue garbled dog voice
and a monster-obsessed boy
My college dorm room

Bumper Sticker

The Haiku
What kind of message
do I really want displayed
on a sweet new ride?

Went shopping tonight. Came back with a book. There’s not enough New Republic insignias out there.

The Conduit Release Date

The Conduit ScreenshotSee More The Conduit Screenshots at IGN.com

Nice Battle Royale, Slade!
The Conduit by High Voltage Studios is scheduled for the first part of next year. It’s going to have a competitive multiplayer (whatever that means…the press release was written by The Sphinx, I think) and they’re focusing on graphics.

Hopefully they also get good controls.

These guys are the ones who made Leisure Suit Larry and the White Men Can’t Jump officially licensed game. What’s the worst that could happen?

The Haiku
Low expectations
are just one coping technique
used by modern nerds

NBA Finals, NBA Ref Controversy, and Call of Duty 5

Professional sports has had a rough couple of years with the steroid accusations in baseball, and now the NBA has a brand new scandal that ties into the referree gambling ring. Ex-Ref Tim Donaghy is facing serious jail time for his admission of rigging NBA games, in which some of those games were vital playoff games. One game comes to mind and that would be Spurs vs. Suns Game 4 of the Western Conference Semi’s in 2007, where Amare Stoudemire and Boris “Dorkus-Malorkus” Diaw got suspended for leaving the bench to aid Steve Nash right after he was close-lined by Robert “Cheapsot Bob” Horry. There is much discussion that the suspensions of those players sealed the deal for San Antonio in order for them to go on and win the 2007 title.
The most recent scandal has been one surrounding Game 6 of the 2002 Western Conference Finals that had Lakers vs. Kings in a heated epic battle. The accusation from Tim Donaghy is that there were other refs that moderated that game and were payed off and told to protect certain stars and eject other players in order for the series to be extended to 7 games. The idea is that late in the 4th quarter of Game 6 in Sacramento’s Arco Arena, Shaquille O’Neal(then a Laker) consistently abused people in the paint, but yet instead of him being called for fouls for traumatizing people with his elbows to the face, the victims ended up fouling out. The two victims in this case were Vlade Divac and Scott Pollard. At the time no-one really considered listening to the Kings’ side of the story, because everyone was used to Mike Bibby crying about virtually everything, same went for Chris Webber.
If these allegations are true then David Stern as well as many other top officials of the NBA, will more than likely be headed for prison at the end of a long process.

My personal opinion on that is that 2002 Game 7 between those two teams was ultimately decided by Vlade tipping the basketball out to the top of the 3-point line to a wide-open Robert “Cheapsot Bob” Horry, who ended up hitting a game winning 3-point shot with the game clock ticking down.

Flash forward to present day, the 2008 NBA Finals. After 3 games this feels like a Kobe Bryant and Derek Fisher vs. all of the Celtics series. I loved watching the post-game interviews in which Phil Jackson makes the statement, “Lamar Odom was confused out there. That’s all.” I love how Phil Jackson makes Lamar Odom sound like an incompetent bafoon, or also like an innocent infant who means no harm but just sucks anyway. Laker fans in LA are now starting to make jerseys that have “GASOFT” written on the back in a mockery of Lakers’ starting center Paul Gasol’s seemingly soft play during this series. Man…that’s a brutal hometown fanbase, not only do you have to go get chewed out and taunted by the away crowd, but now you’re getting taunted and chewed out by your HOME crowd.
Paul Pierce and Kevin Garnett in the first two games really played stellar, and added on a huge amount of effort to bring the Celtics to two wins…though game 2 almost became the biggest upset in Finals history when the Lakers cut a 24 point lead with 6 minutes left in the 4th, to 2 with 38 seconds left.
Game 3 went to the Lakers after Kobe Bryant virtually took on the entire Celtics team by himself scoring 36 points, then had Derek Fisher as well as(for the first time in the series) Sasha Vujacic add in some help. That leaves the series at Celtics up 2-1. I will stick to my previous prediction that LA will win this series in 7.

Not only is Infinity Ward not being offered to do Call of Duty 5…….but it is also going back to the freaking World War II setting. How many more of this kind of game can come out before history is destroyed in the minds of young kids about how it all REALLY happened? Call of Duty 4 is a groundbreaking game with new innovations in the tactical team-based FPS world of fast-paced killing. It’s a great game, but unfortunately will not see a continuation unless Infinity Ward gets asked again to do another CoD game. Although this game is coming out on Nintendo Wii, there’s no reason to get it. Just go play CoD1 and CoD2 and you’ll have the full experience of all that CoD5 has to offer.

Oh well, at least Metal Gear Solid 4 comes out June 12th, and The Conduit is shaping up to be a solid FPS multiplayer prospect.
Something tells me that the Conduit guy as seen below, would have a hard time taking on that monstrous beast from Doom.

e-, i-, u- :The Hip Vowels

e-mail
iPhone (and all of the other crazy Apple derivatives)

But what about “u-”? Why not that vowel?

Check out this paragraph from Yahoo’s Dan Ramer and his review of the Cloverfield DVD:

Director Matt Reeves may be heard in a feature- length commentary. He begins with the first of the three explanations that J.J. Abrams was impressed with the presence of Godzilla toys in Japan and wanted to create and introduce a uniquely American monster. He talks about the film’s genesis and how he was brought into the production. He delves into some of the storyline and character details, but the context is the relevance of the arcs. He explains that he did research on Utube to capture some of the feel of amateur videos and party scenes. I enjoyed his blend of the technical and comments about the performances. He’s extremely chatty and open as he reveals anecdotes from the sets, including his using unforeseen accidents to make the film seem more real. Also of interest is the influence of Steven Spielberg who made a suggestion that affected the climax. I wonder how many filmmakers attempt to take their work to the master for a critique.

Utube? My goodness, man! That’s how my principal explained what a hip new teacher and I were doing with video clips and crazy Social Studies simulations. “Blah blah Utube-style”. The principal’s 60+ years old from a small farm community. Adding a “U” is what old people think is cool.

U-Boats
UHaul
Univac

But one of the technical contributors from Yahoo? And they’ve never seen YouTube spelled out? That’s a pretty crazy typo. Granted, he’s from DVDFile.com. But he just lost some tech cred by me. (I’m just bitter because Yahoo’s tech blogs have bashed Macs, Wiis, and Star Wars before.)

Airships: Save on gas if you can handle cranky guys named Cid

SkyShip
Why didn’t I see it earlier? Save on petrol by using flammable gases. And then put yourself up in the air with giant packets of flammable gases.

I actually think it would be cool to take a blimp/airship to Montana this summer. SkyCat says that their SkyShuttle costs $9 per 100km. It’s okay. I’m not traveling in kilometers. I’m using miles.

Oh wait.

Hmm…$9 per every 62 miles. 1,306 to Billings, MT. $189 one way using an airship. United Airlines is cheapest with $267 right now. That’s some decent savings. But…

These airships average around 100mph. 13 hours to get to Billings? It could work. Too bad there’s only 12 seats. I don’t think they could maintain the $9 promise for long.

That and there’s not many airships flying to Big Sky Country.

The Haiku
Much thanks to The Count
(Ferdinand von Zeppelin)
and flying machines

Hypermiling – Increasing fuel efficiency

When I first heard the term hypermiling, I thought I was going to have to perform surgery on my car to add some funky stuff.

Nope. Just some crazy driving tricks. Some are good (check tire inflation to reduce surface resistance) but some are kinda kooky (turn off your engine in a coast or when in traffic) that take some risk (which I probably won’t do).

Check out EcoModder and tell me what you think.

The Haiku
I may save on gas
but replacing transmissions
will not come cheap, bro!

Read at Work

Even if you actually work at work (or you share my awesomeness in that my boss demands for me to read at work) you can still appreciate the cool web design of these two sites.

Read at Work does an awesome job making books look like PowerPoints. Why are you staring intently? It’s not to see if Snowball will take out Napoleon. That wouldn’t make sense. It’s a PowerPoint. Productivity must ensue.

It’s all HTML, aside from your browser there’s no applications running. But dang if it don’t look like it.
(There’s a really funny typo on the ersatz login screen. See if you can catch it.)

WorkFriendly turns a website/blog/whatever into a simulated Word document. Once again, no applications open on your end of things. All this really is is stripping the CSS formatting off of sites and then putting it in a frame. I’m not too impressed with this one, though. My boss knows that I’m not typing a report called “Haiku Kraka Stalking Shaq”. (At least I hope so…)

A Nerdly View From My Phone

The Haiku
Dragons will eat you
If you baste yourself in mail
And lack pointy sticks

With stories of dragon attacks and watching a Star Wars room on Extreme Home Makeover (my goodness! The boy had a cockpit desk jumping to hyperspace on one wall and an X-Wing bed making the Death Star run (complete with Vader’s TIE firing) on the other) I have decided to show you some of the stuff I captured today on my phone:
Mad Cat
At Sunday school a kid asked me to build a robot. I built a Mad Cat Mk II taking out a Raptor fighter.


Of the marketing ploys used, which book is a junior high boy supposed to read? Or do they not read but only grunt over a grill? This was in the teen section.

Have you seen the Titan AE-ish Doomsday Vault? Reminds me of the frozen room in the season finale of LOST (which can be watched and understood having not followed the rest of the show – it branches into crazy sci-fi and military action. Worth your time.). Also, the nickname generator is pretty funny. My nickname is “Huckleberry Pinhead” (my mother named me after her favorite literary figure – Ethan Frome).