To whom it may concern:

In the course of entertainment, it becomes self-evident that power must be held by the few or the one – that one being myself. With your investment, I plan to offer programming that the masses will enjoy, the masses that many have chosen to exploit. The fire of Leno has gone out of the universe. We, a new entertainment order, will terminate the other networks. Immediately. All will be made right in the galaxy by instilling peace through might.

You don’t know how hard I found it, signing the order to terminate them. NBC was charming to the last. But lying to us about the time slot location of Conan O’Brien was inexcusable. Perhaps they will respond to an alternative form of persuasion.

Please consider helping us bring Conan O’Brien to Late Night for good. With our prospective network, the regional broadcasters would have direct control over their territories. Air Conan O’Brien at a time slot that he deserves. Join us – or die.

Thank you for your time and interest,
Wilhuff Tarkin
Grand Moff of Marketing and Sales

(Thanks to Devin for the inspiration.)

For more information, refer to articles here and here.

Semi-related posts:

1. Still Human
2. Fear and Trembling
3. Support your local weirdo
4. Because We All Needed More Reasons to Fear Video Games
5. Now you can have your clicky things.