Yes, @sidewalkdriver, I stole your title. (I think the title’s funny, if that’s any justification.)
My brain hurts. I was subjected to the district’s version of Chuck conditioning. (My wife spent the afternoon researching Phillip Glass songs, so my YouTube recommended videos are quite interesting. Let’s just say I spared you some trouble.)
The Clockwork Orange known as Bus Training involved a very long video reminiscent of Driver’s Ed – except now a voice kept repeating, “It’s all your fault!” as I watched buses get repeatedly slammed by trains and semis, buses running over pedestrians, and kids being extracted from the wreckage.
I watched this in the lobby while the rest of the already-trained bus drivers drank coffee before going to their routes.
The second video wasn’t too bad – 22 minutes (I checked the VCR (that I helped set up)) worth of information about proper mirror adjustments. When you’ve got that many convex lenses to align, it makes sense.
I did get to do behind the wheel, complete with pulling that lever to swing open the door. My instructor asked if I could turn on the air conditioning. I felt like I was fumbling for the hyperdrive switch as I made my way around a couple miles worth of suburbia.
When we returned to the Bus Barn (actual name) the buses were returning from their route. These drivers have done this so many times, it’s a synchronized ballet of giant metal transports sliding perfectly into their spots – backwards!! – without any hesitation. I expect that Stanley Kubrick directed today’s routine.
Then it was my turn. Buses waited for me as I looped around, swung the bus left and right, pulled forward, pulled back, pulled forward again, pulled forward more, was warned that the mirrors stick out farther than they look, slowed down, and finally completed some reasonable facsimile of a parking job.
Anyone who has spent a decent amount of time with me can agree on two facts:
- Parking is an unnecessary detail in my mind.
- I move the seat back very far.
A bonus to the bus? Lots of head room.
I have a lot of respect for bus drivers. I wish I could have chatted about this with my grandpas, both being masters of heavy vehicles. Kids, don’t act stupid on buses. There are way too many blind spots (like giant metal panels) – not to mention the video clip where the kid followed his frisbee under the bus will stay with me for a while.
You know when you work out for a while, like riding a bike at a fast pace for an extended period of time? Or running with weights on your ankles? When you take off the weights (Harrison Bergeron, anyone?) it takes very little effort to move, almost like you’re flying. That’s what it felt like driving the Scion out of the Bus Barn.
After an exhausting, impromptu training (I found out today I have too many students for the school van), I can officially drive…the short bus. Yes, it has been mocked before, but it is MY short bus and I am very defensive of it.
I signed an agreement that I would drive defensively.
(Pictures hopefully tomorrow.)
