“Do not underestimate the power of the optometrist.”
Thaks, Futile Ohm, for pointing out today’s woot.
Faster, Higher, Stronger, Aimier
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Monthly Archives: February 2010
What do dogs really think of a giant ball roaring in the sky?
Usually when my dog barks, it’s for a very good reason. Like, oh, kids starting fires in the alley…hypothetically speaking. So when Indiana was standing next to the screen door looking up and barking, I came to the most logical conclusion.
The aliens from Signs had jumped on my roof.
Then I heard the hot air balloon ignite some fire to rise up. I appreciated this, since I wasn’t ready to host an airship crew, no matter how close they flew to my home.
Other odd highlights from today:
Two unrelated people spoke the same line from my life’s script. “You’re a librarian? That works. You can reach the highest shelf.” The first person had initially said that I was too tall to be a librarian until the shelf epiphany hit. The latter person (I’m the ladder person, I guess) was at the Apple store.
“You need a new power cord for your MacBook? Let me get the…nevermind.” I pulled the box down. I had to stand a little on my tiptoes – a truly tall display.
Did you see talkinturkey’s exciting MacBook news? Very exciting, to say the least. I should have had the Apple Geniuses/Geniusi etch a giant lumberjack on my MacBook.
And Mike, you will be proud. A conversation teaching my youngest to use the word “rear end” instead of what she was saying devolved into the four of us singing Mr. Roboto in the kitchen.
Can you guess what we’re doing?
Exciting Wii Release Dates
Nintendo had a big press conference today. Here are some exciting dates:
March 8 – Free Monster Hunter demo disc at GameStop
May 23 – Super Mario Galaxy 2
June 27 – Metroid: Other M
On June 14 the DS will have a “game” called 100 Classic Books that will let you read public domain classic books. The $19 price tag is cheap when compared to other DS games but expensive when compared to Kindle-ish apps for phones. A plus, though, is the ability to download new content via the Nintendo WFC. I’m intrigued to see how this plays out. I know that people bought a PSP just to watch movies. Will people prefer this over an iPod Touch?
Shaq’s Philosophy Transfers to Ice Skating
Plushenko has shared in Shaq’s affinity for alternate realities. If you were like me, you argued in elementary school about which ribbon was better, red or blue. Both have their merits, but one signifies the true winner.
Plushenko has created the platinum Olympic medal, solidifying his place in history as The Scary Russian Guy That You Have To Beat in a Sports Movie. Ivan Drago, we salute you.
I/Eye Broke Down
Today I stayed home from work due to a scratched right eye. Today consisted of laying in bed while watching Hulu Simpsons. Did you know that Star Trek Generations is on there now? In the darkened milieu of my Hibernation Chamber, I pondered what it would look like to have a throw-down between Avatar acolytes (I think ‘fan/fanatic’ is putting it lightly) and Macross mavens. Giant transforming robots, no matter how capitalistic, are still cool.
Another fun mash-up from today: Buzz Lightyear as a River/Dollhouse character from Joss Whedon. He has memory loss; his altered perceptions cause him to blank out and shoot lasers at people. I believe that he is the prototype for a Firefly character.
Do you remember these clips from Sesame Street? Did that cake guy always trip? Is the cake guy Jim Henson?
Watching Sesame Street today on non-Hulu it was the habitat/40th anniversary episode. That was playing the last time I stayed home sick.
Saturday, to de-compress from our coordinating/catering, we watched the G.I. Joe movie (not the cartoon movie with Nemesis Enforcer…that would have been more realistic). Yes, I understand that the Bloggh should have certain standards and now I have learned my lesson.
Here’s the set-up: Cobra creates genetically-engineered fearless soldiers. So, if they’re so fearless, why do they scream in panic when they fall down a conveniently-placed shaft and/or have a grenade shoved under their collars? Next time, can I get hired to read over the script? $10 for a quick run-through. Was it supposed to be gritty or cheesy? The language says gritty. The impalements say gritty.
Seriously: next time you watch the film, keep a tally of how many people get impaled in the movie. Double the score for each time the spike is revealed stabbing through another device, like a datapad/pillar/Hummer.
I don’t care what anyone tells you, take it from me: Marlon Wayans is cheesy in the film. Plain and simple.
I was okay with one thing they changed about the franchise, though. I like that Zartan can switch faces. The action figure just turned a sickly blue in the sun. But replacing the president as a shapeshifter? X2 did that well with Senator Kelly. Heroes copied that. G.I. Joe copied that. Through the Xerox effect, the initial luster has dulled and the copy has become muddled and inky.
I also broke down and got Tomena Sennar for my brother’s bachelor party. Yes, it is as psycho as advertised. It was a great way to keep the guys’ attention while we waited for Mike to bail us out with Rock Band 2. With the left-over WiiPoints, I sent Mega Man 3 to myself. I hadn’t played that game for 15-20+ years. I beat Tomena Sennar before I went to bed on Friday night.
Let’s just say video games have been dumbed down over the years. My wife laughs at me losing horribly to a game I could beat as an elementary school kid.
And yes, Chaarli, today’s wootshirt is very librarian-esque:
Congratulations!
We don’t have the luxury of hindsight.
I’m helping the students research World War II and the Holocaust (as well as some of my own research for the new sermon series on Esther) and I always drift to modern day holocausts. Imagine my students’ surprise when I hung up modern day war criminal wanted posters around my classroom from Interpol. Sadly, more war criminals have been added, but as librarian I have a wider audience than my classroom.
Permit me to rant to my even wider audience about access of information. Why does the status of Jon and Kate’s relationship (you know, the 8 Kate) still rank higher for the news than the capture of the Taliban’s second-in-command?
Also, have you ever taken the time to read the crazy stuff coming out of Ahmadinejad’s mouth? Having hung out with snowboarders at NAU (and by “hanging out” I mean “documenting misdemeanors for Residence Life” – Mike has an even better tale), the comments from Shaun White’s coach don’t surprise me. If NBC has been covering snowboarding for longer than a week, they should know to what degree the trick should be stomped and what adverbs get attached to said stomping. Do people not give Ahmadinejad press time or do we just not care? We care more about a coach’s naughty words, not “I will wipe the entire people group out”.
Hopefully some junior highers will leave school this year with a wider worldview.
Let’s just say it didn’t help his perception.
While practicing at the local park for the staff basketball game, a teenager skateboarded up to me and asked if he could “bum a smoke”.
Did he not see my staff shirt? Maybe he didn’t think things through.
You have my permission.
1. You may sing “It’s the Year of the Tiger/It’s the thrill of the fight” and pose with fists raised at the top of the steps of any government building for the next year.
2. You may argue that curling is a real sport. I, for one, understand its intricacies.
3. You may go to freedom.fcov.org/podcast and see if you recognize any voices.
52,000 Words
Whenever I watch the Olympics, my eyes get heavy. Snow is counter-productive to my writing process. How did I ever survive NAU?
Whenever I turn on Pandora, I write. A lot. Many thanks to James Horner and John Williams for their compositional efforts. The final stage is set. The confrontation between good and evil will play out to its end sometime this week while I’m at work. (I’m talking about my book, if you didn’t catch that.)
Today I also got a certain bachelor party planned, a certain bachelor party involving lasers and teen wolves. My brother is getting married on Saturday. If you’d like details as to where and when, message me. It’s low-key, so I don’t want to invite the whole Interwebs.
Like that “i’mnotbettywhite” person that keeps wanting to comment…
Add in the poison spraying I did in the yard and I’d say it was a very productive Monday. Nothing says “Remember the Presidents” like gallons of Ortho coating ragweed and dandelions.
The Canadian Caper
I don’t know if anyone else experienced this, but I think that the opening ceremonies’ ice zombies cast a field of sleep spells. I missed everything after that, except for brief moments when I woke up to get a CD from J to find a shaman walking through the Aurora Borealis and when I typed up some e-mails at midnight without my glasses on.
I must have been really tired, though, since I could have sworn I saw Nick Jonas and Snoop Dogg singing with Celine Dion.
Wait. That was real?
And I bet you’ll try to convince me that I saw a time-traveling Elvis confront Mike who thought he was Pablo Picasso.
That was real, too?
(Picasso at the Lapine Agile by THE Steve Martin is actually a fun show and yes, Mike, you did become a convincing Picasso.)
One thing that I did pay attention to last night was the montage leading up to the opening ceremonies. The landscape is spectacular and the tourism ads made me actually consider living in Vancouver (we all get one government-funded orca, right?). But the video bit about the six American diplomats being rescued by Canadians grabbed my attention.
Modern history is a blur in my memory. I can remember Tienenman and Kosovo, but the Iran hostage situation in 1979/1980 I don’t know much about. That was always the last chapter in our history textbook but we never got to it.
So, especially for you punk kids that follow me on Facebook, here’s the Canadian Caper.
53 Americans were held hostage on November 4, 1979 and on January 20, 1981 they were released (notice the proximity to Reagan being sworn in). It’s all right around when the Iranian Ayatollah came to power to replace the shah monarchy on February 11, 1979. The U.S. helped the shah get medical attention and as punishment, extremists captured the Americans. Things have calmed down in Iran, right?
The image I put at the top of this post is a sketch from Ken Taylor, Canadian ambassador to Iran. John Sheardown and Ken Taylor kept the six diplomats (all in the 25-34 years-old age bracket, scarily enough for my own personal relevance) in their personal residences until they could sneak them to Zurich on Canadian passports – Canadian passports that were forged, along with fake Iranian visas.
The Canadian government and the CIA worked together on a cover story. A movie called Argo was supposed to be made and there were even movie posters created and a fake PO Box in Los Angeles set up. Tony Mendez, CIA make-up specialist, worked with John Chambers (Star Trek and Planet of the Apes make-up guy) to change their appearances to look like a frumpy film crew. (Clayton, how does that make you feel?)
The Canadian embassy in Iran mysteriously shut down for the day. Ken and John also moved their families back to Canada. Ken, John, and their wives received the highest civilian honor from the Canadian government.
An award should also go to Jean Pelletier, the Canadian journalist who figured out what was going on before the plan was completed. He pressured the newspaper to not run the story until the six hostages were safe. The others still had a long time to wait, but I’m sure the family of the six were thankful.
The United States started saying “Thank You, Canada” on signs all over the place. Also, if you were Canadian you ate free for a while.
To be fair with me not knowing much about the Canadian Caper, many of the details were hidden until 1997.
Ken Taylor with Governor General Edward Shreyer
“I consider it to be a truly lifesaving weapon.”
I understand the irony in that statement, but I also know that if my cousin or some of my friends are a part of the attack on Marjah, I’d want a Breacher clearing the landscape of IEDs. That’s been the big issue, right? We traditionally fought wars where a giant tech weapon could swoop in and minimize the number of casualties. But guerilla warfare, especially in urban areas, has always been the worst for our army. I wondered how our military would respond technologically.
Our military’s response was Iceman and Joker? Were Maverick and Goose busy?
I always envisioned a giant mech. We’re one step closer. A weapon that can “send a sheet fire into the air and shock waves rippling through the desert in all directions” sounds familiar.
Rock of the Dead
What do you do with your old Rock Band/Guitar Hero controllers? Why, you play loud rock and roll to vanquish zombie hordes, that’s what! Hit perfect note combos to send the undead packing.
And the winner is…
I think more people would watch if there was a Stormtroopers vs. Scout Troopers football game between the first and second quarters. They should also have a drum and bugle corps (like the Blue Devils) rock out the halftime show until the Janet Jackson fears die down (to borrow an idea from sidewalkdriver).
Doritos Samurai wins for Best Commercial. Any company that can make a fake suit of armor out of hydrogenated corn stuff has my vote.
Usually I’m pretty excited about the commercials. I will replay them in my head the next day, laughing the whole time. But most this year I’m trying to erase from my brain’s DVR.
To paraphrase Darth Vader:
I find your lack of pants disturbing.
(The link is actually safe. Check out how many lines in Star Wars take on a new meaning with the word “pants” interposed.)
If this is a commercially-created culture, where some say it’s the second busiest food holiday compared to Thanksgiving, I wonder how long the Super Bowl will go on. We’re at 44 now. Will we see a 344 (CCCXLIV for all you aqueduct-loving sports fans)?
As long as we haven’t given our pockets to Starfleet, I think we’ll still have a Super Bowl. (A serious question: I understand that Starfleet and the Federation have done away with money, but does no one chew gum in the future?)
I wonder if we’ll still have beer ads for Super Bowl CCCXLIV. I think in that time we’ll probably see an epic match-up between the Atlantis Constructs (we’ll finally annex the island) and the Sea of Tranquility Eagles (one of the biggest franchise moves since the Cardinals).
I just have to be patient. Of course I’ll live to see Super Bowl 344 – I’ll have my brain transported to a new cloned T-Rex body every 20 years.
We’re going to need more than 50 McNuggets. I’ve given you enough notice.
Thanks, Ohm, for your parting gift of another disturbing site in the style of the Cheezburger Cats: Man Babies?
Big Bird versus Tony Danza
I finally got around to installing Hulu Desktop. It’s cool for browsing shows and sets it up more like Apple’s Front Row, which is cool. It also brought me this:
Picasso versus a Girl Scout: Results from Pop Quizzes 12 and 13
The results from Pop Quiz 12 are:
Einstein 14%
Picasso 57%
Steve Martin 29%
with Picasso edging out the others in a knife fight. On the streets of Malaga, he was known as Picky the Cubist. Experimental vantage points? No. Cubes were all that was left of his opponents. The only one to survive an encounter was Van Gogh:
Pablo let him live because he liked his hat.
Pop Quiz 13, determining the queen’s immortal lineage:
Highlander 20%
Vampire 20%
Girl Scout 60%
What’s interesting is that the Girl Scouts connected to the UK can win the Queen’s Scout award, which is the highest rank:
versus in the US it’s the Girl Scout Gold Award:
I think the Highlander Badge would have been more stunning:
But the competition would have to be more fierce.
Because, you know, there can be only one.
Richard Branson: What’s Behind Cobra Commander’s Faceplate
I know that there’s supposedly some movie with some Semi-American Heroes (or was it Real American Semi-Heroes?) that attempts to explain Cobra Commander as the whiny boy-girl from 3rd Rock from the sun, but I think we’ve made the Bloggh’s stance pretty clear.
My money is on Richard Branson as the Supreme Overlord of the COBRA terrorist organization. Be watching him in the coming years – first he launched his own spacecraft, then he created a plane that could go underwater.
Within the next three years expect to see a HISS tank and/or Tomax/Xamot being announced as co-VPs of Virgin Megalomaniacal.
An editorial retraction and a happy Candlemas
In a recent posting of The Bloggh, one of our contributors (namely, me) referred to Queen Elizabeth as the Queen Mum. This was a misnomer: the Queen Mum was a queen consort versus Queen Elizabeth is a queen regnant.
I’m glad we got that cleared up.
Queen Mum is a name for a widowed queen consort (a queen dowager). Elizabeth Bowes-Lyon (the current Queen Elizabeth’s mom) had an interesting rise to the throne. Her husband, Prince Albert, was not next in line – his older brother, Prince Edward, was. Edward abdicated and let Albert transform into George Super-Saiyan Level 6.
Seeing where the trend of votes are leaning, an “always prepared” Princess Elizabeth changing a tire makes a lot of sense:
Queen Mum is of the same long-livingness lineage as the current queen, so the qualitative assessments should not have too large of a margin of error.
All this talk of Elizabeths has good timing, I guess (Elizabeth being the name of John the Baptist’s mom). Today is Candlemas, a church holiday celebrating Luke 2:22-35. Simeon says, “I’ve been waiting for this. Now I can die a happy man. This kid is going to do awesome stuff.” (I paraphrase.)
I just thought that February 2 was Groundhog Day.
It’s the Inner Circle of the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club that announces Phil’s divinations. The Inner Circle? Because we don’t want the Outer Circle of the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club getting too uppity, right?
Every February 2 should have a subtitle of being Bill Murray Day.
Phil: There is no way that this winter is *ever* going to end as long as this groundhog keeps seeing his shadow. I don’t see any other way out. He’s got to be stopped. And I have to stop him.
Queen Mum: Highlander or Vampire?
I don’t mean to offend; I’m merely in awe of these pictures.
Today’s post brings you TWO Pop Quizzes! Mike seems to have snuck in an advertisement for his show and brings up an interesting question.
The first quiz is here
and the second one is here.