Because I don’t have one, I have full right to mock it. That’s an Interwebs rule, right? I thought I would provide a service and list off the negatives for the new iPhone to make myself feel better.
Things the new iPhone won’t do:
- Take pictures unaided underwater.
- Stop the BP leak. [oooh! how timely! I'm like Dennis Miller over here.]
- Shoot phasers.
- Get me to stop watching literal versions of music videos.
- Cheer up Keanu Reeves.
- Get me to stop laughing at this.
- Make driving a minivan give me more swagger.
- Help this Scottish guy love Iceland.
- It will do anything for love, but it won’t do that.
For these reasons I’ll have to wait.
Semi-related posts:
Actually, along with a lightsaber, my iPod does have a phaser on it. So I’m well prepared for nerd combat.
Nothing is going to make me stop watching literal versions of music videos, though. They will always be funny to me.
Check out the updated link on reason number 9. I didn’t want to link to the last part of the Meatloaf video because some friends’ kids read this site (yes, they could look it up but they won’t. Right, Venom?), but I found splicd.com.