Booyor’s BLOGgh!

5:52am - I’ve actually been here since 5:35am, but it takes that long for our school network to synchronize files. 5:35am - Everything is going according to plan. There was a surprisingly long line outside of my library. I think we may beat in the first hour the 29 that showed up the entire time last time.

Muahaha. Your democracy has been set back five minutes.

And I think this may be the longest article title/URL. Come back for updates throughout the day, much like what I had first envisioned as The Longest Day.

6:08am - Watch as I nitpick Yahoo. “All that’s left is to vote, even for Obama.” That’s an ‘open to interpretation’ way to say it. Is there anyone you’re leaning towards, Yahoo? Hmmm?

6:13am - Uh oh. Make sure you scan that correctly. We don’t want a chad incident.

6:17am - They’ve now overflowed to the tables. No talking during the test!

6:57am - Make a Spot check.
As stealthy as a 6′9″ guy can be… (Although wasn’t there an example in one of the rulebooks for a Wookiee tracking a katarn in the rain? Devin, what’s the DC on that?)
I thought you might enjoy the most recent part of The Ruing:

Wooha!
- Wedge taking out the AT-AT with a tow cable

It should be noted that “Into the Trap” was playing in the Scion as I drove up today. Yes, it’s Return of the Jedi and not Empire Strikes Back, but it’s still an awesome squad theme song.

Brown Squadron, you have been given the go ahead. You are weapons free.

8:38am - Sunshine on my shoulder makes me happy.
Actually, just warm.

8:50am - I shall drown my sorrows in RockStar Juiced.

8:52am - J was there at 4:45am at his site. Yeah, contact with the outside world!

8:54am - Review of Juiced: Good for drowning, not necessarily drowning sorrows. I can taste the mango skin. It’s…unnerving.

Not a vanilla mocha.

8:59am - For my wife:

Snaps is the name of the game, the name of the game is snaps.
Can you please
recommend a
*Snap*
physician?

11:15am - Back from voting:

I have my reasons.

12:02pm - Castro praises one of the candidates. Wow. It’s one of those “please don’t help” moments.

1:32pm - Found out from Peter about the Secretary of the Interwebs. (Yeah! Cory Doctorow in a hot air balloon versus Tron Paul!)

3:27pm -

Cooper Black? Times New Roman?

Ouch. I just sprained my sense of design.

3:57pm - There’s a guy here taking a picture of his votes with his cell phone. What a weirdo.

Unless…

Does he have a rival website, also full of Order 66 and El Pollo Loco? I should ask rather than assume.

4:03pm - I got distracted instead by fonts with a live preview.

4:26pm - Why to avoid exit polls and why CNN vowed to not use them after the 2000 election - did they hold to it? Did you know that in France it’s illegal to conduct a poll within 48 hours of an election? It’s also city ordinance for Parisians to have a permit before using a tripod to film. Madness.

4:40pm - Make your own mini Sheriff Megatron. Fun for the whole family at the cost of one sheet of cardstock.

Click on the picture to hugeify it.

5:09pm - I don’t think we should call it just yet.

vs.

I’ve never actually been to Maine, but I could have sworn they had more people than that.

5:41pm - Political Analyst John Elway

5:42pm - Just got called “dude” by one of the workers.

Cringe.

5:44pm - Why is ‘John Elway’ in single quotes? Is it a quote inside the dialogue by Yahoo? Did Tolkien write the Flash dashboard?

5:46pm - Bwaha. Tatyana Ali? Little Ashley Banks?

6:16pm - Considering running on the Monster Raving Loony Party ticket. Do we have a U.S. branch? I guess we do. (Hosted on Tripod. Tres officiale.)

6:30pm - Town Crier just did his “Polls close in 30 minutes” yell.

7:58pm - They have finally packed up. And they still didn’t lean my name. Much shivering, much creeped out. Everyone must leave. Go home.

9:43pm - It’s funny that there’s still ads for McCain/Palin surveys saying “Can they win?” on Yahoo. There’s always the time machine option. I wonder what my grandpa would have thought. Also, I find it dreadfully ironic that the maps aren’t even all colored in yet. (Our state being one of them.) Did all of the hurtful words add up to much? Now to support our new president and be done with political ads for a little bit! Wooha! (Although be prepared for a “Don’t blame me, I voted for Kodos.” from time to time.)

I always noticed this up at NAU. The German students had a thing for mocking our presidents with masks. I guess it’s the next generation:

My oldest is a comedian. She kept switching the words around, cracking herself up. Keep in mind that I didn’t read any of it to her:


My youngest has a more “Theatre of the Absurd” sense of humor:

With the final tally of money spent by both candidates combined at about $8 per vote, I can’t help but think of the Booyor System of Money. I see everything in terms of what I could’ve purchased instead. It used to be PS2 Greatest Hits ($19.99, guaranteed). “Let’s avoid that bank fee; that’s a PS2 game.” “Let’s not eat out tonight; that’s a PS2 game.” “I’ll hitchhike to work this week; that’s a PS2 game.” (Just kidding, Mom.)

So now our future Presidents have spent $8 per voter to get me to choose them. On the positive, I think we’ll see record numbers of voter turnout (and you will hear all about our Day of Ruing tomorrow).

Two questions, though:

1. Could anyone actually become President without spending more than $1,000?
   (Or even a million?) What kind of system is it when only rich/famous people can become President? Are they more qualified? (Okay, so that was all question one.)
2. What could they have spent that $8 on?

Right now I can’t tackle what’s hugely wrong with a media-drunk information society voting. But I can make some suggestions on what to spend the $8 on next time if you’re buying for me.

1. Wii Points - I could have gotten a decent Virtual Console game from the NES, Genesis, or Super NES. Ninja Gaiden? Hello?
2. 8 double cheeseburgers from McDonald’s - Hey, I’ll foot the sales tax. And if you’re going to one of those crummy McDonald’s, I’ll settle for the Hot n’ Spicy if they don’t have double cheeseburgers. In Albuquerque, add some green peppers. Charleston - Mickey D’s Sweet Tea
3. A matinee movie ticket - We might even have enough left over to fill up a Harkins cup
4. A RedBox keeper - Sure, it doesn’t have the fancy packaging. But at least it’s Iron Man and not Let Me Blame the Other Guy…Man.
5. Two dozen donuts
6. 6 vanilla mocha RockStars - Mmmm…I love elections.
7. A book - When Hunger Games comes out in paperback, you owe me. Or get my library another copy of Bogus to Bubbly.
8. 8 songs on iTunes- Would that cover every Weird Al polka medley?
9. Health Care for a kid in Honduras for a month
10. 800 pennies - Put them in a sock and I’ll get you the votes you need.

These are just off the top of my head, fellows. If you’re going to make policy, at least send me a better gift.

Update: By the time we’re done, it will be an estimated $5.3 billion spent on everyone’s (the Hillarys, Dodds, Romneys of the world included) campaigns. $5.3 billion. Yeah, the GDP of Nicaragua.

When visiting the serene Yuma, here are some items to consider:

1. The whole community gets involved with the football games.
   
   They have the police do donuts (is that irony I smell?) in the football field with a giant prison break siren wailing. To make it even more realistic, the announcer lady (who I swear is from NPR…the shows that are on at 3am) lectures the crowd about how showing loyalty can be declared through good sportsmanship and not starting fights. Yeah, let’s name the team the Criminals. Real positive role-modeling, district board.
2. Actually, the band is the least involved in the game. After the half-time show, they check out for a rave:
   
   Did you ever see Matrix 2: Reloaded, where they have that giant, muddy dance scene for 15 minutes? To be fair, we used to check out for 3rd quarter, as well.
3. 
   Do you remember T-Ball? Same type of visitor’s stands. They have fireworks, neon signs, sirens…but they prioritize based on how many people would actually make the road trip out there.
4. Not all of the cheerleaders go on the road trip, either. You may have to bring your own:
   
5. Everyone was very nice and welcoming, especially the band boosters.
6. My only complaint? Make sure that when you approach Ave 36E, turn off the outside air to your car (Greeley Dr. Pepper up the nose level of stank) and circulate what you have. And please, don’t do like we did and start circulating once the stank had already penetrated the car.
   I put up a warning for people:
   

I decided to do some campaigning of my own:

My daughters and I had so much fun putting these up, we shared the love:

Shhh. Don’t tell them we did it.

New tag.

Brown Squadron, here are some Ruing Resources:
Sauron Poster
Palpatine Poster

Hey…has anyone else seen the keyed parent controls on new Fords?

Debates are so clumsy. If it’s not Libcoln-Douglas, I don’t want it. Okay, so if Tina Turner ran one in the Thunderdome with a Trial by Arms, I might be annoyed but, really, am I not entertained? Chi-town versus Vietnam. But really…we don’t need another hero. Should we have an alternative? Not as clumsy or random as a debate; an elegant campaign for a more civilized age.

Something that we can all get behind: anagrams. (Not to be confused with palindromes/Palin Drones.)

Who should we as a collection of nerds vote for? Let’s look at the names:

McCain/Palin

1. La Man Picnic

- Serving up La Food

2. Mac Can Nil Pi

- It could be that McCain’s not good at Math, but I’m guessing it’s Apple becoming bigger than pi itself…Mmmm…Apple Pi…

3. Am Clinic Nap

- Is that a comment about his age?

4. Calm In Panic

- Either he’s got strong military training or refer back to his clinic nap

Obama/Biden

1. Babied Moan

- To be fair, a knock on his age, as well.

2. Babe Domain

- Insert your own Clinton/JFK/FDR/Buchanan joke here.

3. Me Bob Naiad

- Me Jill Centaur. Want dance?

4. A Daemon Bib

- For Chef Ramsay’s show, right?

5. A Badmen Bio

- All of the playground politics of Hussein/Osama references finally catch up.

6. Amoeba Bind

- Possible healthcare reform. Also could be a promise of death by interstellar goo.

Okay, so this election is still crazy. But political commentators, know this: I reject your reality and substitute my own.

On the topic of nerds aging: Do you remember PC games where you had to flip to parts of the manual for different words? I think Mechwarrior had a crazy wheel like Penny Arcade mentions.

Any reader that has been around me at a sporting event has probably heard my theory within the past five years, but indulge me.

This sports entry is for Slade, who is taking a big test today.
E-mail subject: Suggestions for Improving Baseball’s Reach to a New Generation

Dear Bud Selig:
To be able to properly meet the demands of fans in a changing global economy, I believe that some changes need to be made to expand Major League Baseball’s demographic.

Baseball players are not looked at as being as fit of athletes as other sports players, such as basketball and football players. A means of proving their determination must be provided. Equip each baseball outfit with a low impedance transformer and an external sensor. Also, give everyone on defense a low-divergence laser gun that has a two second burst and a battery that must be recharged through kinetic energy.

As a runner is approaching a base, the defenders can fire upon the runner. The runner’s sensor, if hit by the laser, triggers the low impedance transformer. I believe that Starter brand team outfitters has the ability to manufacture a transformer with a 1000 ohm output, much like what is found in current shock collars to inhibit dog barking. Runners will have to push even harder through more difficult muscle spasms to reach the bag, proving their determination and sportsmanship. To make things fair, after the 7th inning stretch the runners can also be equipped with laser guns.

Adding on to the excitement would be on fan nights when fans would be given laser guns, as well. I believe that a generation growing up on first person shooters would appreciate a gun more than that little bat that they get that technically wouldn’t even qualify as a back-up inventory weapon if your ammo ran out. Also, fans could be made to wear the shock uniforms and could fire their lasers across the stadiums. Finally we could end the rivalry between the Seattle Mariners and the Detroit Tigers.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I appreciate any feedback.

Sincerely,
A Fan

I sent this e-mail to him today. If he doesn’t respond back, I could send him a letter at:

The Office of the Commissioner of Baseball
245 Park Avenue, 31st floor
New York, NY 10167

For any grandparents brave enough to even consider reading an article titled this, I reward you.

Football season is here. Sometimes a barbarian’s just gotta grill while wearing a football jersey and an apron picturing a skull of some type of cattle…thing.

Marvel vs. DC
To get the biases out of the way - Batman is my favorite superhero, but once you start talking rich universes I’m more of a Marvel guy. Exception: Flash is cooler than Quicksilver, although Quicksilver has a cooler lineage.

But what about the fruit snacks?

It should be noted that Marvel first produced the Transformers comic books.
To start, let’s go supervillains:

Joker (left) vs. Green Goblin (right)
Both are fans of purple and green. Both are insane. Both are globs of modified corn starch and fruit juice concentrate. Maybe not a good place to start. It looks like they weren’t even trying.

The “white flavored” snacks are arranged in order of coolness. The insignia from the movies/batarang. Woot.

Next, a spiderweb. I’m diggin’ it, but it could be left over from Dora the Explorer Halloween Snacks. (We never had them (I loathe the undead), although the Dora Saves the Mermaids ones are tasty.)

But what’s up with the Third Reich covered truck bed Transformer? It’s like the Scion-wannabe Chevy Groove or whatever that ugly spawn of a Sith-corrupted PT Cruiser is that’s driving around. Nissan, just don’t.

Let’s look at the “blue flavored” snacks. Venom is really cool, but his tongue-lash does not an appetite make. Optimus is great, but his faceplate and pronged sideburns don’t stand out.

The Batman bust sticks out. The snack is deeper than it is wide, so you have to flip it to see the picture straight on. I like it.

Yellow. Mangled Bumblebee face or clear insignia? Insignia.

Evidence that the Batman fruit snacks are cooler than the Spider-man and Transformers ones combined. (Photographic play on words in memory of Brenda.)

In conclusion, DC (in this instance) beats Marvel and Libya remains a land of many contrasts.

My daughter was kindof shocked by the sacrifice required by science of her fruit snacks:

In an unrelated story, my wife went with my sister-in-law to go see Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 during lunchtime…

Okapi in the wild:

In another showing of her talent, Lisa Frank has a new product line on the market:

The rarest part of the whole story?

When interviewed, the okapi had no idea who Obama or Palin were.

Fact: Okapi are politically apathetic.

From across the filling stations I find out the sad news that the founder of myspace is having financial woes. Maybe he can get a little help from his friends.

I guess it’s not so new of a discovery.

It also turns out that Edgar Mitchell (his July 23 tell-all here) has books out, like Psychic Exploration: A Challenge for Science. He’s rumored to have worked with X-Files, but IMDB doesn’t list anything.

Mike, you’ll be pleased to know that Max Payne is being made into a movie.