While the other two options are as guaranteed as Devin enjoying Kindergarten, the third is definitely the most probable.
What will happen in 2012?
A secret will be revealed about a presidential candidate. 20%
A celebrity will get divorced and news sites will run the story on the front page. 20%
The world will end as predicted by the Mayan calendar, but no one will notice because a YouTube video of a cat punching a stuffed animal will have captured our collective attentions. 60%
Great Scott! It’s the new Internet. I’m going to crowd-source prognostications.
It’s been way too long since we’ve done a Pop Quiz. IT’S FINE TIME FOR POP QUIZ 18!! I can’t believe the last time we did this was for Kirk vs. Solo vs. Mal.
If you have any other predictions, leave them in the comments.
I don’t know how such a beautiful dance instructor from the 1950s time-traveled just to flirt with me:
I told her that I had my own ship. My friend Zaphod uses that pick-up line all the time.
But that’s not the captain that we’re talking about. We’re concerned with things that matter: hair, angst, and a general sense of captainery. So, without further delay…
The Results
I asked you which captain had the best hair.
20% said Kirk
33% said Solo
47% said Mal
Winner of Best Hair: Mal
I asked you who suffered more angst.
13% said Solo
38% said Kirk
50% said Mal
Winner of Angst: Mal
Then the big question. Who do you trust with your life?
10% said Solo
20% said Kirk
70% said Mal
It should be noted that one vote for Mal was from someone named “Inara”. You comedians. Even without that vote…
Winner of our Trust: Mal
Adding up all of the votes, the clear winner of Best Captain goes to
Malcolm Reynolds!
So, while the old school franchises duked it out, it was the show that got cancelled quickly that won.
Sounds about right.
I did have two Firefly moments this week. One involved a conversation with a student teacher that made me feel old.
Me: I love the show Firefly and I know my writing was influenced by it.
Student Teacher: Firefly? Sounds familiar. I think we were required to watch a clip of that in one of the classes I took in high school.
Me: When was that?
ST: 2007
It sounded like she was referring to it as a historical document. The other Firefly-ish moment was today when someone brought me a candy bar I mentioned in the book I just wrote. She had read the book and thanked me for writing it because, not only did she like it, she loaned it to her 16 year-old son and it got him reading again. They fought over who got to read it each night. It was extremely exciting for me.
I wonder how Joss feels every time he sees someone dressed up like a Browncoat.
If you haven’t voted in round one or two, make sure to do so. I’ll tally votes on Friday.
It would seem that we here at the bloggh are on the right track. Have you seen io9′s March Madness? We could have saved them the trouble. That I just saw the io9 post today is proof that all nerds will eventually come back to this debate.
The final round is simple: How well do you trust the captainery of the captains? If you were on a 747 captained by Kirk, Solo, or Mal, who would you want flying the plane?
Put more simply: Who do you trust with your life? ”
Solo would get you there quickly, but you’ll probably take a shortcut through a swarm of black holes or pay an exorbitant price for passage. Kirk will think quickly and creatively. However, most of it will involve cheating of Kobayashi-Maru proportions. If you do stick to the original agreement, Mal will get you to where you need to go. Just don’t cross him or, by his pretty floral bonnet, he will end you.
I will not reveal the results to round one just yet. There are still districts waiting to report and final chads that have not been dangled. I don’t want people’s votes to be swayed for the next round.
Round 2: The Angst!
You will be getting results at the end showing how each captain did in each round, so that should relieve some of your angst. Today’s focus is on the captains. I’ve said before that heroes are defined by their villains. A part of this is shown by the horrible situations the heroes get thrown into. We wouldn’t cheer for any of them if they just sat around talking and drinking Earl Grey tea.
Oh, wait.
I’m going to blame my English teacher roots, but all three – yes, Mike, all three – of the captain situations described here are my favorite examples of these captains.
Some ground rules were implemented in the selection process. All three situations are from the movies/TV show.
They are not from any official expanded universe. No wookiees will be killed by moons crashing into them. //shakes fist at R.A. Salvatore
No fanon was used. We don’t want to read about how you think the captain should be a furry, or a bee, or a furry with bees in its mouth so that when it barks it shoots bees.
While Captain Mal sitting naked on the prairie was disturbing, we file that more under Don’t Trust a Girl Named After a Spice and not official angst.
The Angst
Kirk:
I don’t think anyone will argue that the end of Star Trek II through the conclusion of Star Trek III is Kirk’s finest even though his happy day is crushed by both genetic super soldier and Klingon boots. Kirk watches his best friend/first officer die semi-slowly/fully-horribly to save the crew of the Enterprise. When they then investigate Genesis, Kirk’s son is killed (worst week ever) and the ship has to self-destruct. For being such a leap-first Starfleet officer, he really does put the needs of the many over his own.
Solo:
Empire Strikes Back into Return of the Jedi. He’s about to be frozen in carbonite (why the heck does Cloud City even have such a precarious chamber? Prejudice versus Ugnaughts?) after being sold out by a supposedly longtime friend. Solo has the awesomeness enough to say, “I know” to Leia in front of many people in scary helmets. In a move that made Joseph Campbell clap like a schoolgirl, Solo is reborn through the pain and wakes up blind. The scoundrel who doesn’t put his faith in anything but a blaster must now rely on his friends.
Mal:
Captain Mal gets into trouble every episode, but I think the one that summarizes it best is “Out of Gas“. Any episode that starts out with a captain bleeding to death is going to be angsty. The captain must survive in order to save his crew and his ship. The three timeline storytelling in this episode is tricky genius and a brilliant way for the crew of Serenity to go out swinging versus cancellation, bringing angst for us all.
So…which captain has the best angst moment? I know I’m probably leaving off some favorite moments (Kirk’s five year mission went how long?), so don’t be shy /sarcastic laughing/ to leave a comment.
Even though I have my own personal opinion (Solo survived the Imperial Academy, Mike…he knows chain of command), I want to give as much illusion of opportunity for impartialism as I can in deciding a battle that could prove larger than Picard vs. Kirk.
These three captains, from three different franchises, share one thing in common: their egos are larger than the Enterprise vs. the Death Star. Now, you could get into a debate of which captain’s creator is a better writer, but today I posit that all three are characterized well for the roles they fill.
We will need a different criteria, a far superior method for evaluating worth.
We will judge them by their hair.
Han Solo
Captain Solo sports a natural, slightly-tousled part down the middle. The fluff says that it’s been a while since he’s been in a respectable enough establishment to get a haircut. (That and his story was filmed in the 70s.)
Mal Reynolds
Captain Mal shares a derivation of the space scoundrel look. What separates him from other ne’er-do-wells is that he can sometimes acquire hair gel since he doesn’t have a death mark on his head in every system. (Just most of them.)
James Tiberius Kirk
Captain Kirk: the best space-age polymers the United Federation of Planets can offer.
Editor’s note: Mike has brought up that Kirk’s hair is cut off. This is an egregious error in our attempt to bring you fair and unbiased reporting when it comes to speculative fiction coiffures. Here is an additional photo to help out Kirk. Now watch the votes swing.
Three very serious choices, but who will win? I made it tough on you, Devin. ALL are the nerdy option.
While I was cleaning up, I noticed things were a little too quiet with my kids. When I checked on them, I found my oldest cleaning her room and my youngest ice skating on Clorox wipes in the bathtub.
Me: What are you doing?
Youngest: Cleaning.
Me: Oh. Carry on.
Saturday night we watched Despicable Me (great movie). Sunday we played basketball. NBA Jam Guy: The toddler from long range!
My children’s Sunday School teachers rock. I should tell the director of Children’s Ministries. Yes, there is the occasional felt board, but on Sunday I walked in to find them at the end of an inductive Bible study:
There’s an intersection in Seattle that colloquially is known as my intersection (no Sasquatch jokes, please). I always appreciate easily accessible devices:
My wife also appreciated this guy who looks like George Carlin playing piano:
Anyone who is currently employed as an educator has probably heard of the FISH! Philosophy during a staff development training. My wife went to the fish market where that originated (although she didn’t have anyone sign the professional development triplicate, so I don’t know if it will count as recertification hours).
Another VERY interesting data point: every single person who recommended a gorging did NOT sign their name in the quiz. The majority of people who urged for temperance signed their names. I think that, in itself, could demand more study.
But what shall I do with the cake? I shall eat small portions repeatedly. Whether it takes more than one day, well…come what may.
They had a big announcement planned, but then in a moment’s hesitation said that they found a creature that uses arsenic instead of potassium in its DNA structure. Keith Richards has been doing that for years, so I don’t see what the big deal is.
What did bloggh readers hope would be announced? Two-thirds of you predicted that NASA would say “it’s been secretly dating the NSA but can no longer hide its true love. It’s a grown agency and can make its own decisions.”
You guys are weird.
There’s a great article up from Donald Miller called The Great Stumbling Block of the Creative Mind. I can relate to self-editing based on what other people will think. I constantly have to fight against the “this won’t sell” voice and write the story that I would enjoy reading. When I booktalk, I recommend books that I enjoyed. Many times that lines up with what students like. The same should apply to my Gatling gun horse.
It’s like the difference between this bloggh and my professional one (the creativity block…not the Gatling gun). Here, I don’t care what you think (for the most part…sometimes it creeps in). I’ll put up a picture of a Japanese folk dancing robot:
label it sugoi, and smile. With my professional site and Twitter, I’m constantly evaluating what I post. Part of that is out of respect for where I work and that a big segment of readers are in junior high, but I am obsessive in checking author responses.
So, thanks for reading the bloggh and if you find it saikou or psycho, whatever. I’m havin’ fun.
You may have seen that tomorrow at 2pm ET (Eastern Time, not Drew Barrymore’s “special friend”), NASA will be making an announcement that will change everything (like a Ferris Bueller type of change). You can watch it streaming here.
I want to know what it’s going to be about (hopefully more important than the Beatles being on iTunes…like I didn’t have the One album during student teaching).
The results from Pop Quiz 12 are: Einstein 14%
Picasso 57%
Steve Martin 29%
with Picasso edging out the others in a knife fight. On the streets of Malaga, he was known as Picky the Cubist. Experimental vantage points? No. Cubes were all that was left of his opponents. The only one to survive an encounter was Van Gogh:
Pablo let him live because he liked his hat.
Pop Quiz 13, determining the queen’s immortal lineage:
Highlander 20%
Vampire 20%
Girl Scout 60%
What’s interesting is that the Girl Scouts connected to the UK can win the Queen’s Scout award, which is the highest rank:
versus in the US it’s the Girl Scout Gold Award:
I think the Highlander Badge would have been more stunning:
But the competition would have to be more fierce.
Because, you know, there can be only one.
I’m doing research for the current writing project. I’ve officially crossed the halfway threshold (I’ll update the project bar at the end of the week)(30,911 words as of this posting)(You have a lot more free time when you’re not playing Final Fantasy, I’ve found out. I think my brain had shut off my reactions to the game’s updates of how many hours I had been playing.).
We just got back from the church staff party and watching a live production of A Christmas Carol (first published December 19, 1843) . My wife and I had a conversation about which spirit is our favorite. We have our thoughts.
I was not able to practice bass all day (using one of my slackingest costumes) in the library as I had schemed. People kept asking me questions. Some were even about books. Ridiculous.
The most memorable Mr. Rogers Picture Picture segment?
67% said Crayons
33% said Fortune Cookies
Leviathan is still full of steampunky goodness. I was able to requisition another specimen.
Fans of Resident Evil video games should check out the Project Firestart footage, showing one of the first survival horror titles for a video game. It’s from this company called Dynamix. As in, “The company that took over my computer’s 5.25″ drive for most of junior high.”
Poe’s “The Raven” is a very happy ending if you only read the first stanza.
So, I’ve always been intrigued with Mr. Rogers. I’ve found it cool that Michael Keaton got his start as a stage hand on the show. I agree with him on his footwear, understanding needing to move around a lot at work and not make noise (when he first started as a puppeteer was when he donned the sneakers). I’m impressed that he never once did a commercial endorsement, only promoting non-profit organizations. I’m even blown away that his advice, recording a TV show to watch later with your family, was the swaying argument to make VCRs legal (and so you weren’t taxed for each recording you made).
And did you watch Mr. Rogers challenge the Senate about trust in 1969? For the record, I almost punched the computer screen (but then wondered what my sweatered mentor would think) when a Senator asked Mr. Rogers if he’d feel better if he read his statement. When Mr. Rogers is talking, you don’t interrupt, fool.
But here comes the biggest decision you will make this week:
What was the best Picture Picture mini-segment (click here for a review)?
“Wow. She looks more radiant than any other candidate.” 14%
“Harumph. Who is this tardy attender?” 86%
This is how I lean when I watch the movie, but I didn’t know if that’s what the Disney animators were going for. Is it because she’s late without an entourage?
Tomorrow I’m going to not say a single word, in honor of the “Talk like a Ninja” counterattack. It might make defending Hunger Games at a statewide meeting a little difficult. We’ll see which wins out.
In the above photo, Prince Charming’s guards turn to look at Cinderella when she first shows up to the dance. (You can tell what movie has been looping in my household this week. (Well, at least it’s not Nuclear Man. Right, Slade?))
So when she shows up, they give her an awkward glance. I’m wondering if those guards are thinking, “Wow. She looks more radiant than any other candidate.” or if they’re like, “Harumph. Who is this tardy attender?”
I also wonder if everyone in the kingdom is related:
Either that or it’s one guy running around to three different jobs. Government employee. What do you expect?
Does Jay Leno have a distinct Tremaine lineage?
For the cutesy aspect of today’s post, my oldest was telling me that some days she could remember this one detail, but on other days she couldn’t. Her words? “It’s very similar to an AB pattern.”
” 
album during student teaching). 
