What will happen in 2012?
A secret will be revealed about a presidential candidate. 20%
A celebrity will get divorced and news sites will run the story on the front page. 20%
The world will end as predicted by the Mayan calendar, but no one will notice because a YouTube video of a cat punching a stuffed animal will have captured our collective attentions. 60%

This cat is surprised.

In the year 1985:

1. Reagan will be president.
2. The Titanic will be found.
3. Coke will release New Coke.
4. A kid from Hill Valley will fight Libyan terrorists with a DeLorean.

Yes. Pretty risky predictions, but I feel confident that that’s what 1985 will hold.

What? You want predictions for 2012? But how could I ever top the ones I made for 2010?

Great Scott! It’s the new Internet. I’m going to crowd-source prognostications.

It’s been way too long since we’ve done a Pop Quiz. IT’S FINE TIME FOR POP QUIZ 18!! I can’t believe the last time we did this was for Kirk vs. Solo vs. Mal.

If you have any other predictions, leave them in the comments.

I don’t know how such a beautiful dance instructor from the 1950s time-traveled just to flirt with me:

I told her that I had my own ship. My friend Zaphod uses that pick-up line all the time.

But that’s not the captain that we’re talking about. We’re concerned with things that matter: hair, angst, and a general sense of captainery. So, without further delay…

The Results

I asked you which captain had the best hair.

20% said Kirk
33% said Solo
47% said Mal

Winner of Best Hair: Mal

I asked you who suffered more angst.

13% said Solo
38% said Kirk
50% said Mal

Winner of Angst: Mal

Then the big question. Who do you trust with your life?

10% said Solo
20% said Kirk
70% said Mal

It should be noted that one vote for Mal was from someone named “Inara”. You comedians. Even without that vote…

Winner of our Trust: Mal

Adding up all of the votes, the clear winner of Best Captain goes to

Malcolm Reynolds!

So, while the old school franchises duked it out, it was the show that got cancelled quickly that won.

Sounds about right.

I did have two Firefly moments this week. One involved a conversation with a student teacher that made me feel old.

Me: I love the show Firefly and I know my writing was influenced by it.

Student Teacher: Firefly? Sounds familiar. I think we were required to watch a clip of that in one of the classes I took in high school.

Me: When was that?

ST: 2007

It sounded like she was referring to it as a historical document. The other Firefly-ish moment was today when someone brought me a candy bar I mentioned in the book I just wrote. She had read the book and thanked me for writing it because, not only did she like it, she loaned it to her 16 year-old son and it got him reading again. They fought over who got to read it each night. It was extremely exciting for me.

I wonder how Joss feels every time he sees someone dressed up like a Browncoat.

So, to celebrate Mal’s win, I give you

32 Firefly quotes

The Ballad of Jayne

and, my favorite

The Ballad of Serenity

You can’t take the sky from me.

It would seem that we here at the bloggh are on the right track. Have you seen io9′s March Madness? We could have saved them the trouble. That I just saw the io9 post today is proof that all nerds will eventually come back to this debate.

But we will settle it – or John Hodgman, Minor TV Star and Judge, will have to make a ruling.

The final round is simple: How well do you trust the captainery of the captains? If you were on a 747 captained by Kirk, Solo, or Mal, who would you want flying the plane?

Put more simply: Who do you trust with your life?
”

Solo would get you there quickly, but you’ll probably take a shortcut through a swarm of black holes or pay an exorbitant price for passage. Kirk will think quickly and creatively. However, most of it will involve cheating of Kobayashi-Maru proportions. If you do stick to the original agreement, Mal will get you to where you need to go. Just don’t cross him or, by his pretty floral bonnet, he will end you.

Facebook stalkers can click here.

Round 2: The Angst!

You will be getting results at the end showing how each captain did in each round, so that should relieve some of your angst. Today’s focus is on the captains. I’ve said before that heroes are defined by their villains. A part of this is shown by the horrible situations the heroes get thrown into. We wouldn’t cheer for any of them if they just sat around talking and drinking Earl Grey tea.

Oh, wait.

I’m going to blame my English teacher roots, but all three – yes, Mike, all three – of the captain situations described here are my favorite examples of these captains.

Some ground rules were implemented in the selection process. All three situations are from the movies/TV show.

1. They are not from any official expanded universe. No wookiees will be killed by moons crashing into them. //shakes fist at R.A. Salvatore
2. No fanon was used. We don’t want to read about how you think the captain should be a furry, or a bee, or a furry with bees in its mouth so that when it barks it shoots bees.
3. While Captain Mal sitting naked on the prairie was disturbing, we file that more under Don’t Trust a Girl Named After a Spice and not official angst.

The Angst

Kirk:
I don’t think anyone will argue that the end of Star Trek II through the conclusion of Star Trek III is Kirk’s finest even though his happy day is crushed by both genetic super soldier and Klingon boots. Kirk watches his best friend/first officer die semi-slowly/fully-horribly to save the crew of the Enterprise. When they then investigate Genesis, Kirk’s son is killed (worst week ever) and the ship has to self-destruct. For being such a leap-first Starfleet officer, he really does put the needs of the many over his own.

Solo:
Empire Strikes Back into Return of the Jedi. He’s about to be frozen in carbonite (why the heck does Cloud City even have such a precarious chamber? Prejudice versus Ugnaughts?) after being sold out by a supposedly longtime friend. Solo has the awesomeness enough to say, “I know” to Leia in front of many people in scary helmets. In a move that made Joseph Campbell clap like a schoolgirl, Solo is reborn through the pain and wakes up blind. The scoundrel who doesn’t put his faith in anything but a blaster must now rely on his friends.

Mal:
Captain Mal gets into trouble every episode, but I think the one that summarizes it best is “Out of Gas“. Any episode that starts out with a captain bleeding to death is going to be angsty. The captain must survive in order to save his crew and his ship. The three timeline storytelling in this episode is tricky genius and a brilliant way for the crew of Serenity to go out swinging versus cancellation, bringing angst for us all.

So…which captain has the best angst moment? I know I’m probably leaving off some favorite moments (Kirk’s five year mission went how long?), so don’t be shy /sarcastic laughing/ to leave a comment.

Facebook stalkers, click here.

These three captains, from three different franchises, share one thing in common: their egos are larger than the Enterprise vs. the Death Star. Now, you could get into a debate of which captain’s creator is a better writer, but today I posit that all three are characterized well for the roles they fill.

We will need a different criteria, a far superior method for evaluating worth.

We will judge them by their hair.

Han Solo

Captain Solo sports a natural, slightly-tousled part down the middle. The fluff says that it’s been a while since he’s been in a respectable enough establishment to get a haircut. (That and his story was filmed in the 70s.)

Mal Reynolds

Captain Mal shares a derivation of the space scoundrel look. What separates him from other ne’er-do-wells is that he can sometimes acquire hair gel since he doesn’t have a death mark on his head in every system. (Just most of them.)

James Tiberius Kirk

Captain Kirk: the best space-age polymers the United Federation of Planets can offer.

Editor’s note: Mike has brought up that Kirk’s hair is cut off. This is an egregious error in our attempt to bring you fair and unbiased reporting when it comes to speculative fiction coiffures. Here is an additional photo to help out Kirk.

Now watch the votes swing.

Three very serious choices, but who will win? I made it tough on you, Devin. ALL are the nerdy option.

Facebook stalkers, click here for the survey.

How do our readers use yard sticks?

Measure items to the yard 0%
Retrieve hard to reach items 44%
Samurai slash items 56%

Well, it sure isn’t to measure things. Why waste the ink?

I guess even golfers use it to perfect their swings.

I think the Cardboard Tube Samurai may have a rival if a capable shogun could coordinate the guntai.

Today a student needed to borrow a yard stick twice, once to retrieve a pencil that had fallen behind a desk and another to retrieve a paper.

In the same class a kid borrowed a ruler, apparently to scratch his head. No offense when I Lysol the ruler afterward. I would do it for anyone.

That got me thinking: how many people use a yard stick for its intended purpose?

Pop Quiz time (Facebook, click here)!

And, to satisfy the grandparents…photos!

While I was cleaning up, I noticed things were a little too quiet with my kids. When I checked on them, I found my oldest cleaning her room and my youngest ice skating on Clorox wipes in the bathtub.

Me: What are you doing?
Youngest: Cleaning.
Me: Oh. Carry on.

Saturday night we watched Despicable Me (great movie). Sunday we played basketball.

NBA Jam Guy: The toddler from long range!

My children’s Sunday School teachers rock. I should tell the director of Children’s Ministries. Yes, there is the occasional felt board, but on Sunday I walked in to find them at the end of an inductive Bible study:

There’s an intersection in Seattle that colloquially is known as my intersection (no Sasquatch jokes, please). I always appreciate easily accessible devices:

My wife also appreciated this guy who looks like George Carlin playing piano:

Anyone who is currently employed as an educator has probably heard of the FISH! Philosophy during a staff development training. My wife went to the fish market where that originated (although she didn’t have anyone sign the professional development triplicate, so I don’t know if it will count as recertification hours).

Eat it in small portions spread out over a few days. 33%
Gorge yourself in one sitting while watching Batman. 33%
The cake is a lie. 33%

I guess a lot of people want to rebel against the mechanical overlords of the Aperture Research Facility. Or, more realistically, they felt that the cake was indeed a lie because it resides in the gloaming between solid and liquid that only ice cream cakes can.

Another VERY interesting data point: every single person who recommended a gorging did NOT sign their name in the quiz. The majority of people who urged for temperance signed their names. I think that, in itself, could demand more study.

But what shall I do with the cake? I shall eat small portions repeatedly. Whether it takes more than one day, well…come what may.

What should I do? (Facebook stalkers can find the quiz by clicking here.)

They had a big announcement planned, but then in a moment’s hesitation said that they found a creature that uses arsenic instead of potassium in its DNA structure. Keith Richards has been doing that for years, so I don’t see what the big deal is.

What did bloggh readers hope would be announced? Two-thirds of you predicted that NASA would say “it’s been secretly dating the NSA but can no longer hide its true love. It’s a grown agency and can make its own decisions.”

You guys are weird.

There’s a great article up from Donald Miller called The Great Stumbling Block of the Creative Mind. I can relate to self-editing based on what other people will think. I constantly have to fight against the “this won’t sell” voice and write the story that I would enjoy reading. When I booktalk, I recommend books that I enjoyed. Many times that lines up with what students like. The same should apply to my Gatling gun horse.

It’s like the difference between this bloggh and my professional one (the creativity block…not the Gatling gun). Here, I don’t care what you think (for the most part…sometimes it creeps in). I’ll put up a picture of a Japanese folk dancing robot:

label it sugoi, and smile. With my professional site and Twitter, I’m constantly evaluating what I post. Part of that is out of respect for where I work and that a big segment of readers are in junior high, but I am obsessive in checking author responses.

So, thanks for reading the bloggh and if you find it saikou or psycho, whatever. I’m havin’ fun.

I want to know what it’s going to be about (hopefully more important than the Beatles being on iTunes…like I didn’t have the One album during student teaching).

So here’s Pop Quiz 14 (Facebook stalkers can find the quiz here).

Admiral Yularen’s excited

with Picasso edging out the others in a knife fight. On the streets of Malaga, he was known as Picky the Cubist. Experimental vantage points? No. Cubes were all that was left of his opponents. The only one to survive an encounter was Van Gogh:

Pablo let him live because he liked his hat.

Pop Quiz 13, determining the queen’s immortal lineage:
Highlander 20%
Vampire 20%
Girl Scout 60%

What’s interesting is that the Girl Scouts connected to the UK can win the Queen’s Scout award, which is the highest rank:

versus in the US it’s the Girl Scout Gold Award:

I think the Highlander Badge would have been more stunning:

But the competition would have to be more fierce.
Because, you know, there can be only one.

Today’s post brings you TWO Pop Quizzes! Mike seems to have snuck in an advertisement for his show and brings up an interesting question.

The first quiz is here

and the second one is here.

Some of the action takes place in a Chemistry lab, so I’m brushing up on my moles and sig figs:

In the realm of the true sciences (enough of these avocados numbers), here are the results from
Pop Quiz 11:
Past 14%
Present 43%
Future 43%

The Ghost of Christmas Past always gets left behind. [rimshot]

If you haven’t seen Dave Barry’s year in review or the fact that you can now download Oregon Trail to your DSi, both articles are worth your time.

Now for yours.

Facebook stalkers, the quiz is here.

And did you watch Mr. Rogers challenge the Senate about trust in 1969? For the record, I almost punched the computer screen (but then wondered what my sweatered mentor would think) when a Senator asked Mr. Rogers if he’d feel better if he read his statement. When Mr. Rogers is talking, you don’t interrupt, fool.

But here comes the biggest decision you will make this week:
What was the best Picture Picture mini-segment (click here for a review)?

Facebook stalkers can find the quiz here.

This is how I lean when I watch the movie, but I didn’t know if that’s what the Disney animators were going for. Is it because she’s late without an entourage?

Tomorrow I’m going to not say a single word, in honor of the “Talk like a Ninja” counterattack. It might make defending Hunger Games at a statewide meeting a little difficult. We’ll see which wins out.

So when she shows up, they give her an awkward glance. I’m wondering if those guards are thinking, “Wow. She looks more radiant than any other candidate.” or if they’re like, “Harumph. Who is this tardy attender?”

Here’s the quiz for my Facebook stalkers.

I also wonder if everyone in the kingdom is related:

Either that or it’s one guy running around to three different jobs. Government employee. What do you expect?

Does Jay Leno have a distinct Tremaine lineage?

For the cutesy aspect of today’s post, my oldest was telling me that some days she could remember this one detail, but on other days she couldn’t. Her words? “It’s very similar to an AB pattern.”

The Punisher and Goofy 40%
Beast and Beast 40%
Jiminy Cricket and Toad 20%
Ariel and Spider-man 0%

I guess that people don’t see the Little Mermaid as someone who can red-head swap for Mary Jane Watson. Perhaps Peter Parker has a fear of water. Is that behavioral conditioning based on nursery rhymes? Even an itsy-bitsy bit.

I think it’s funny that Penny Arcade saw the same irony/stereotypical name that I did. I love the “Best Beast” coffee mug.

The Punisher and Goofy is all Devin’s idea.

Did you see the abbreviations for the days of the week?

Polimomce = Mother-in-law

Woohoo, workshop icebreakers.

We talk of getting an ARC for Scott Westerfeld’s Leviathan (giving away galleys at BEA? Argh!). Can you imagine if I got an advanced copy of 1Q84?

What is the book about? No one knows, except that they need to buy it.

Perhaps it’s a puzzle, like this one:

Polimomce

Can you get the pictogram? It’s like one of those “head/heels” puzzles.

A hint? I’m fond of mine.

We’re in day two of a district training. Some of the stuff has been kind of goofy (like which candy bar you choose determining your personality type…I think I may have seen that quiz on Facebook), some just plain weird (thank you, Worth1000…yes, it’s EyePod/money laundering/cardiac arrest), and some brain teasers that I might be able to use as a warm-up in a staff meeting. To give the presenter credit, it’s three days, eight hours per day. We need some wake-up from time to time. (And teachers, if you’ve ever been surrounded by a group of them, are not always the best audience.)(Yes, I said it. Deal with it.) We did a cool graphing out of certain lessons on a rigorous/relevant X,Y chart (to really evaluate if lessons are doing what we intend them to do). I liked it so much, I took some photos with my phone. As I type, more teachers have gotten up and started taking photos with their phones. Muahaha! I am influencing creative uses of common technology. Perhaps some may even try their hand at booyoring next year.

Little known fact: when creating a survey, it’s better to have an even number of options so that you have to answer either high or low – you can’t choose the middle.

The meat of the training has actually been good, even though it’s during the summer. For my professional thoughts on how to make instruction relevant and rigorous, check out the other site.

For here, let’s get irrelevant.

We’ve seen three words to describe an animal you would become, three words to describe your favorite color, and even three words to describe your favorite river (don’t get me started on what educational psychologists say about that result). (I guess three is the magic number, whether in training or in Twittertopia. Nice break-up words, by the way, Devin. The Phantom Menace. That’s comedy.)

Cheers!

But here’s a fun challenge that I had seen before but had momentarily forgotten the solution.

So this week’s Pop Quiz takes on a new form:

What is the connection between these words? Hint: The number seven plays a part.

Misunderstood
Vermont
Statuesque
Swedish
Arthur’s
Africa
Sensation

Post some comments, post some guesses. (I should mention that my group won the challenge. Jodi, I’m gloating on the inside.) The solution will be posted on Saturday.

Mom, this one’s for you:

It’s from Tom Chapin (brother of the Cat’s in the Cradle guy).

2. Yes, Star Trek was a good movie (perhaps even great) and is my favorite, followed closely by Khan and First Contact. The big question is which one was a better re-boot, Batman Begins or Star Trek. Once the potential for spoilers has diminished, we can figure out if Star Trek was a re-boot or a re-loop. Devin, can it serve both as a re-envisioning and fit in the already-established movie canon?

3. Yes, I’m trying to convince my wife to watch The Cage tonight. Pike was awesome in the film.

4. Yes, I was delirious on Saturday night, coffee hallucinations and all. I can’t guarantee that that would have changed the amount of tweets inputted into the system, but I can’t help but think the negotiations would have been smoother with Moff Cage on his A game. He does not like to be surprised and it was pretty gutsy of the Collicoids to switch the deal on him.

Two words: orbital bombardment. Old-school Empire. Corellian Alliance. Meat Parade.

5. Check out the updates to Cry for Kraka.

(Facebook stalkers, click here for the quiz.)

I’m actually excited. It’ll be crazy seeing a non-traditional Trek film. What would be really crazy would be to have a completely never-before-seen crew in a movie (and I don’t mean DS9). Imagine complete freshness.

A definite contender is Asimov if we take the definition of distinguished to be “incredibly noticeable”.

But I prefer to think of myself as distinguished. A distinguished gentleman, if you will.

So the big question is: Who best rocks the distinguished sideburns?


Nick Fury (under the captain’s armpit)

J. Jonah Jameson

Martin Van Buren

The pop quiz results have been tallied up.
56% Observation
22% Intervention
22% Sucker Punch a T-Rex

Even if we thought we could change history by punching a T-Rex (much like Homer stepping on a butterfly), the crowd dictates that we observe more than the other two options combined.

Little known Simpsons fact: when Homer travels through time in Time and Punishment (THH:V), he’s only in that time period for as long as it takes a piece of toast to toast.

I am surprised, though. I could have sworn we were a more violent crowd. My nephew wants to intervene, but not punch a dinosaur.

Another show that I think I’m caught up with (refer back to my narcolepsy) is Lost.

This season has actually got me interested (previously I watched because my wife was). Hurley and Miles (permanently unlucky guy and ghost hunter guy) are talking about time travel, and the age-old “Well, that exists for him in this time period, because he’s already been here, but not for us” theories start flying. (I did appreciate Hurley staring at his hand, waiting for George McFly to make the future right again.)

But I think (just like many times I think about technology) that the core issue is not the how, but the why.
So, what better way to delve into the future than to offer up a pop quiz? We are officially done with standardized testing today, right?

For my awesome readers, the quiz should be embedded below. For my Facebook stalkers, click here for the quiz.

Results will be posted this weekend.

And thank you, Devin, for always knowing when to balance out my heaviness. (Meaning seriousness. I picture myself sitting at the bottom of a teeter-totter with someone flung into the air.)

If you were forced to be a part of a mad scientist’s recombinant DNA experiment, which creature would you want your DNA mixed with?

45% Koala
36% Chinchilla
9% Manatee
9% Matt Lauer

Let’s pause for a minute while we contemplate Matt Lauer tying in votes with a manatee.

Expect a review of Max within the next few days. Mike, still working on the video. Slade, when April 18 rolls around those zombies will have me to fear. My encouraging fans, we’re on page 90 of Vanguard.

Have you seen the information TurboTax puts out about deductions? I’m curious about the depreciation of my MacBook, DVD burner, and printer based on how many things got booyored in 2008.

From my Inbox:
I get lots of e-mail, some from readers, some from Nigerian royalty, and some from people who need their own blogs so they stop forwarding me messages about $250 cookie recipes or what an 8th grade education was like back in A.D. 600 for the Celts (actually, that does intrigue me)(like an albino deer).

The first link comes from the first category of e-mail. Thanks for the link, Ohm. I know that the parents/grandparents of pre-schoolers will like to see that their condition is more universal than they realize:
Tiny Art Director

The second link comes from the last category of e-mail. Usually I get forwards about why voting for voting is bad because it’s too votey (or whatever), but now I give you the new way to peel potatoes, as presented by Mary Ann, Minnow passenger and spokesperson for Idaho:

Now you don’t have to peel potatoes ever again. I would imagine this works on peaches, yams, and other skin-type foods.

44% Twister
33% Clue
11% Risk
11% Stratego

As my wife put it, “The others think too much. In a fight in a dark alley in Gotham, you just gotta act. Twister wins.”

And this, my friends, is one of the many reasons I married her.

She took me to teppanyaki last night:

(The guy was picking fire up with his fingers. Fire. Freaking fire! I guess they use everclear because of its high evaporative point, so the fire burns quickly but doesn’t linger.)

so in all fairness we watched Confessions of a Shop-aholic tonight.

Now, I offer this in my defense:

1. Produced by Jerry Bruckheimer (but I told my wife I used to be a fan of James Cameron)
2. Music by James Newton Howard (who helped with Dark Knight, Treasure Planet, and Signs)
3. The last romantic comedy I could remember taking my wife to was Sweet Home, Alabama – Yeah, 2002. As in “our first year of marriage”.

Granted, I was hesitant to see the movie because I thought it looked very much like a mix between Legally Blonde and Devil Wears Prada.

Caution: Spoilers

The leading lady does end up with the leading man, her boss that she lied to but didn’t get a chance to tell the truth to until someone else revealed the truth, he got offended, but then realized how much he loved her, so it was okay. This formula has been done somewhere before…

But the fun is in the execution of that formula and the character interactions along the way. And Confessions has a cool take on APR financing (not kidding) and investor confidence. Same general plot outline, neat details.

Because, really, most of the movies that we had been seeing had the same plotline, too.

Guy is not awesome. Guy becomes awesome. Something super awesome challenges merely awesome guy. Awesome guy has to find some inspiration/something in himself/a radar network created by cell phones to beat the super awesome entity.

But it’s how they go about it that’s fun.

It’s all very Joseph Campbell-ish (don’t agree with all of his stuff)/Epic of Gilgamesh in that there’s something inside of us that craves these stories. When it’s not told well/told lazily – hoo, buddy.

Have you heard of the 36 plot lines? I had seen it way back when I was GMing (before I had the honor of actually playing and not having to guilt my friends into my dice-induced storytelling delusions).

See if Hollywood plot lines boil down to one of these at their most basic elements:

Supplication – Persecutor, Suppliant, a Power in Authority
Deliverance – Unfortunates, Threatener, Rescuer
Revenge – Avenger, Criminal
Vengeance by Family upon Family – Avenging Kinsman, Guilty Kinsman, Relative
Pursuit – Fugitive from Punishment, Pursuer
Victim of Cruelty or Misfortune – Unfortunates, Master or Unlucky Person
Disaster – Vanquished Power, Victorious Power or Messenger
Revolt – Tyrant, Conspirator(s)
Daring Enterprise – Bold Leader, Goal, Adversary
Abduction – Abductor, Abducted, Guardian
Enigma – Interrogator, Seeker, Problem
Obtaining – Two or more Opposing Parties, Object, maybe an Arbitrator
Familial Hatred – Two Family Members who hate each other
Familial Rivalry – Preferred Kinsman, Rejected Kinsman, Object
Murderous Adultery – Two Adulterers, the Betrayed
Madness – Madman, Victim
Fatal Imprudence – Imprudent person, Victim or lost object
Involuntary Crimes of Love – Lover, Beloved, Revealer
Kinsman Kills Unrecognised Kinsman – Killer, Unrecognised Victim, Revealer
Self Sacrifice for an Ideal – Hero, Ideal, Person or Thing Sacrificed
Self Sacrifice for Kindred – Hero, Kinsman, Person or Thing Sacrificed
All Sacrificed for Passion – Lover, Object of Passion, Person or Thing Sacrificed
Sacrifice of Loved Ones – Hero, Beloved Victim, Need for Sacrifice
Rivalry Between Superior and Inferior – Superior, Inferior, Object
Adultery – Deceived Spouse, Two Adulterers
Crimes of Love – Lover, Beloved, theme of Dissolution
Discovery of Dishonor of a Loved One – Discoverer, Guilty One
Obstacles to Love – Two Lovers, Obstacle
An Enemy Loved – Beloved Enemy, Lover, Hater
Ambition – An Ambitious Person, Coveted Thing, Adversary
Conflict with an Immortal – Mortal, Immortal
Mistaken Jealousy – Jealous One, Object of Jealousy, Supposed Accomplice, Author of Mistake
Faulty Judgment – Mistaken One, Victim of Mistake, Author of Mistake, Guilty Person
Remorse – Culprit, Victim, Interrogator
Recovery of a Lost One – Seeker, One Found
Loss of Loved Ones – Kinsman Slain, Kinsman Witness, Executioner

Remember, folks: keep the comments clean. We have kids and the conservative elderly voting on which board game would win the bloody conflict.

Jim Gaffigan would say that the Lean Pocket was the most dangerous part of the weekend.

Our survey takers agree that Jack Bauer is the most dangerous part of dinner.

And yes, anyone who grows close to Jack is either a traitor or is gonna die. I mean, look at the statistics.

Thanks again to Jeremy with the save on contact solution and children’s Tylenol.

While driving around this weekend (which, given my previous condition, is probably not wise) I’ve been listening to a lot of Tchaikovsky, specifically his Greatest Hits (Greatest Works? I don’t know…better than his Unplugged album). I remember playing the 1812 Overture in high school and loving it. (The quiet parts as well as the cannon parts.)

Another of my favorites from him is the Marche Slave. I’ll be honest, my first real exposure to the song was in one of the transition scenes in Karateka.

Karateka, grandfather of Prince of Persia and mispronounced by elementary school kids owning an Atari 7800

In it this weekend I heard some folk songs from other countries, but mainly I heard some themes from the 1812 Overture. Here’s the story: Tchai-guy wrote it in five days when his friend Nikolai Rubinstein asked for a song to honor volunteer soldiers killed/wounded fighting the Ottoman Empire in 1876. The whole bloodshed started when the Ottomans killed some Serbian Christians. The Russians felt a connection with their Slavic neighbors and volunteered to fight.

That explains why it has a funeral march sound at the beginning but then gets all crazy at the end (my oldest thought I had a new Star Wars soundtrack. She said, “It’s kinda loud, but I like it.”).

But what about some 1812 themes that show up in Marche Slave?

So, me being so proud of my non-American-centricness, thought that the 1812 Overture was about the War of 1812 (that’s a different song altogether (Vern, I think you’re familiar with this song)).

No, the 1812 Overture refers to the Russian defense of Borodino versus Napoleon’s army. It gave the little guy time to reconsider an invasion of Russia. The emphasis on the cannons in the song is because Napoleon showed up with roughly 1,200 pieces of heavy artillery.

Tsar Alexander I had commissioned the Cathedral of Christ the Saviour to commemorate the French defeat. The cathedral was almost done and once again Nikolai Rubinstein showed up to challenge Tchaikovsky to write some music. The song was supposed to be performed when the cathedral was done. They had planned on the church bells ringing alongside cannons firing and musicians going crazy. But then Tsar Alexander II was assassinated and the performance never happened like Tchaikovsky wanted. It became a very popular song, though, with the Russian people and has been revised by different composers who added in more Russian folk music/anthems.

What blows me away is that Tchaikovsky wrote the 1812 Overture in six weeks.

But why the similar themes between Marche Slave and 1812? Russian soldiers whooping up. (I’m sure that’s what your notes say from Music History, right, Slade?)

Click here for a full orchestral score of Marche Slave.

Make sure to click on the “Submit” button to have your answer count.