When I make big decisions, like the time I would need to invest in learning how to teleport, I make a list of pros and cons for the issue. I’ve already mastered crocheting and beardery (unrelated), so I needed to organize my thoughts.
Cons
- Misplaced molecules
- Foggy post-teleport hangovers
- Nightmares for my kids caused by my apparent ceasing to exist
- A new health trend called Phasing Gut, a symptom of no one walking anywhere
- Awkward moments if my clothes experience network lag
- Walls
- BAMF ambiguations
- Samuel L. Jackson will try to beat you with a taser stick and, trust me, you don’t want that.
- You’d miss the journey. “And life is a road and I want to get going…”
Pros
- I could get my bagel if I forgot it at home.
I’m sure that there are other pros, like getting to work quicker or seeing long-distance family or cutting gas costs or acting as a mediator in hostage situations or saving kittens from burning laundromats or transcending the very constraints of space/time, but if you miss the most important meal of the day, it’s all a moot point.
All things considered, I think I’ll spend my time coordinating my plaid.