TARDIS vs. Circuits of Time


“Oh, marvellous. You’re going to kill me. What a finely-tuned response to the situation. “
“San Dimas High School football rules!”

When traveling through time and you don’t have plutonium/a timed lightning strike for the 1.21 gigawatts necessary, a phone booth is an acceptable alternative.

The TARDIS

For sheer room and reliability, the TARDIS wins out. The pilot can be killed and regenerated multiple times.

It’s so trademarked, even the British constabulary lost in court fighting the rights to a police booth. You have much more room, so much so that if you plan on stealing Socrates, Napoleon, and Joan of Arc to pass your report so Wyld Stallyns can continue rocking, you won’t be pressed against the glass immersed in historical B.O.

The Circuits of Time

While not as reliable as the TARDIS, the Circuits of Time phone booth wins out for ease of use. Dial 7560 and the year that you want and off you go. It includes a phone book, making it even more convenient. It is prone to malfunction, since the slightest bump to the hangers on the roof will send it skewing into another year. Repair is easy, as you’ll just need to add some chewed gum. When you arrive at your destination, just put an Out of Order sign on the door and no one will notice. You may not be able to regenerate if you die, but at least your future selves can warn your past selves about winding and setting the correct time on your past selves’ future watches.

The Winner

In the end (and beginning, paradoxically), the time travel consumer is the winner. Whether you want to show up in official police blue or lay low in Circle K rust, both will get you where you want to go.

More or less.

Bill and Ted does hold a special place since it was filmed at Coronado High School and Rufus first showed up with the phone booth at Southern and Hardy, Sunsplash=Waterlube, and Metrocenter got rocked by Genghis Khan.

The Marriage of Smorgasborg

Less Papageno, more eating quail. I walk the dangerous border of breaking Man Law by posting photos from a bachelor party. This is the risk I take for you, reader. (Grandparents, stay tuned. Cute photos to follow.)(Peter, Laurel, and The Master Predictor: check for the picture of the country club version of the greengrocer’s apostrophe.)

Have you ever been to Bill Johnson’s Big Apple?
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It stands out as being garish on Van Buren, which is saying quite a bit. But the serving staff is great. Our waitress was Ronda. I had to do my best to not bust out as Brian Williams.

On the topic of busting out: I’m glad to see Bill dressed up for the bachelor party.
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They decorate in sawdust, so you know the meat is good. The quality of the establishment is proportional to the surface area of sawdust multiplied by the number of animals on the roof.
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Endless Ribs, Endless Ribs…who ordered the jalapeno poppers? Jeremy, the bachelor party tradition lives on. (And yes, that was darn good salmon. I stick to my principles.)

I was a little wary when I saw that they import cattle from Crete:
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I love the look on the guy’s face in the bottom-left corner.

As anyone who survived World War Z or is a fan of Simon Pegg knows, in any restaraunt/pub you must locate a defense against the undead:
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Thanks, Mike. If zombies attack, I know I can trust you. Unless you become Zombie Mike.

Next was LazerQuest. It should be noted that in a world of “Phyborg” and “Grand Moff Crotch” (as Andrew told the embarrassed girl who had to call out score cards at the end, “It’s my last name. Please don’t laugh.”), class was immediately added to the fray.

A. Hamilton and A. Burr. Guess who was the Federalist and who was the assassin?

Those high school kids didn’t know what hit them while the Father of Banking sniped them from his perch across the arena. Other names worth mentioning: you know it’s a group of brothers when you get names like “Tax Collector” and “The Preacher”. The irony? The Preacher officiated the wedding. (Devin, I was tempted to enter “Shepherd Book” as my name.)

At the wedding they had a Point and Shoot camera set up next to the guestbook. A fun addition was props:
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My grandma’s cousin’s neighbor’s niece from The Motherland was in attendance:
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Lovely crowd reaction

No matter how fancy the place, proper punctuation is prime.
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Posted five feet from each other
I don’t know which will hurt The Futile Ohm more, a punctuation error or a lack of uniform typography. And that photo outside of the Women’s Locker Room (not the Locker’s Room)? Imagine what I would have to say to explain why a big, hairy man is taking photos outside of the door. Thankfully I rolled a 20 on my Stealth vs. Non-bathrooms check.

And now the random photo stream:
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New category!

Bogus to Bubbly

From the other site:
If you liked reading about Tally and Shay and all the other bubblies in the Uglies series by Scott Westerfeld, you’ll definitely like Bogus to Bubbly.

It’s full of trivia about the books. For instance: look at the cover of Uglies. Notice anyone in the girl’s pupil? That’s the reflection of the photographer from the photo shoot. And the design in Aya’s eye on the Extras cover was inspired by the videogame The Last Starfighter.
Check the last word of each book. Notice a pattern?

The real treat is the insight that Scott Westerfeld adds for aspiring authors. He gives quite a bit of honest information about his writing process and the thoughts behind sections of the book.

Floating Ice Rink
I have no idea where this idea came from, except that it allowed me to write a scene that put together my three favorite things: fireworks, falling, and miscreant behavior.

He highlights where the technology from the books intersects with real-life, like how cuttlefish camouflage can actually match checkerboard patterns and that there are flash tattoos under people’s skin that can detect blood sugar. (I did not know that people actually have surgery to put diamonds on their eyes. Ouch.)

And I appreciate Westerfeld’s great sense of humor. The book reads like you’re checking his blog’s RSS feed.

So littlies aren’t considered ugly in Tally’s world – they’re too cute and innocent and small. Like penguins.

If you’ve just created a cool new building that uses smart matter supports, you don’t want someone coming along and turning that matter into, say, liquid. Because that would be bad.

He also describes the process behind creating effective slang and using it in regular conversation. (I actually used “dizzy-making” in conversation with one of the school secretaries without realizing it.) He has an acronym to help with coming up with slang, but I want you to check out this bubbly book.

They will rue the day, for this is the day of ruing, in which ruing is ensuing.

5:52am – I’ve actually been here since 5:35am, but it takes that long for our school network to synchronize files. 5:35am – Everything is going according to plan. There was a surprisingly long line outside of my library. I think we may beat in the first hour the 29 that showed up the entire time last time.

Muahaha. Your democracy has been set back five minutes.

And I think this may be the longest article title/URL. Come back for updates throughout the day, much like what I had first envisioned as The Longest Day.

6:08am – Watch as I nitpick Yahoo. “All that’s left is to vote, even for Obama.” That’s an ‘open to interpretation’ way to say it. Is there anyone you’re leaning towards, Yahoo? Hmmm?

6:13am – Uh oh. Make sure you scan that correctly. We don’t want a chad incident.

6:17am – They’ve now overflowed to the tables. No talking during the test!

6:57am – Make a Spot check.
As stealthy as a 6’9″ guy can be… (Although wasn’t there an example in one of the rulebooks for a Wookiee tracking a katarn in the rain? Devin, what’s the DC on that?)
I thought you might enjoy the most recent part of The Ruing:
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Wooha!
- Wedge taking out the AT-AT with a tow cable

It should be noted that “Into the Trap” was playing in the Scion as I drove up today. Yes, it’s Return of the Jedi and not Empire Strikes Back, but it’s still an awesome squad theme song.

Brown Squadron, you have been given the go ahead. You are weapons free.

8:38am – Sunshine on my shoulder makes me happy.
Actually, just warm.

8:50am – I shall drown my sorrows in RockStar Juiced.

8:52am – J was there at 4:45am at his site. Yeah, contact with the outside world!

8:54am – Review of Juiced: Good for drowning, not necessarily drowning sorrows. I can taste the mango skin. It’s…unnerving.

Not a vanilla mocha.

8:59am – For my wife:

Snaps is the name of the game, the name of the game is snaps.
Can you please
recommend a
*Snap*
physician?

11:15am – Back from voting:
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I have my reasons.

12:02pm – Castro praises one of the candidates. Wow. It’s one of those “please don’t help” moments.

1:32pm – Found out from Peter about the Secretary of the Interwebs. (Yeah! Cory Doctorow in a hot air balloon versus Tron Paul!)

3:27pm -

Cooper Black? Times New Roman?

Ouch. I just sprained my sense of design.

3:57pm – There’s a guy here taking a picture of his votes with his cell phone. What a weirdo.

Unless…

Does he have a rival website, also full of Order 66 and El Pollo Loco? I should ask rather than assume.

4:03pm – I got distracted instead by fonts with a live preview.

4:26pm – Why to avoid exit polls and why CNN vowed to not use them after the 2000 election - did they hold to it? Did you know that in France it’s illegal to conduct a poll within 48 hours of an election? It’s also city ordinance for Parisians to have a permit before using a tripod to film. Madness.

4:40pm – Make your own mini Sheriff Megatron. Fun for the whole family at the cost of one sheet of cardstock.

Click on the picture to hugeify it.

5:09pm – I don’t think we should call it just yet.

vs.

I’ve never actually been to Maine, but I could have sworn they had more people than that.

5:41pm – Political Analyst John Elway

5:42pm – Just got called “dude” by one of the workers.

Cringe.

5:44pm – Why is ‘John Elway’ in single quotes? Is it a quote inside the dialogue by Yahoo? Did Tolkien write the Flash dashboard?

5:46pm – Bwaha. Tatyana Ali? Little Ashley Banks?

6:16pm – Considering running on the Monster Raving Loony Party ticket. Do we have a U.S. branch? I guess we do. (Hosted on Tripod. Tres officiale.)

6:30pm – Town Crier just did his “Polls close in 30 minutes” yell.

7:58pm – They have finally packed up. And they still didn’t lean my name. Much shivering, much creeped out. Everyone must leave. Go home.

9:43pm – It’s funny that there’s still ads for McCain/Palin surveys saying “Can they win?” on Yahoo. There’s always the time machine option. I wonder what my grandpa would have thought. Also, I find it dreadfully ironic that the maps aren’t even all colored in yet. (Our state being one of them.) Did all of the hurtful words add up to much? Now to support our new president and be done with political ads for a little bit! Wooha! (Although be prepared for a “Don’t blame me, I voted for Kodos.” from time to time.)

I always noticed this up at NAU. The German students had a thing for mocking our presidents with masks. I guess it’s the next generation:

My oldest is a comedian. She kept switching the words around, cracking herself up. Keep in mind that I didn’t read any of it to her:
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My youngest has a more “Theatre of the Absurd” sense of humor:
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HSM3…2…1…BOOM!

On Friday teenage girls across the nation (and their easy to manipulate boyfriends) will be attending the opening of High School Musical 3: Senior Year. This phenomenon has embodied HSM, HSM2, HSM3, HSM: The Concert Tour, High School Musical: The Disneyland/World Stage Show and HSM: Stage Musical…ALL IN LESS THAN TWO YEARS! I have to admit, I am waiting for HSM: The Flame Thrower and other marketing merchandise. To give you an idea of the magnitude of this feat, it took JK Rowling almost 12 years to write all 7 of her Harry Potter books. Disney has matched that is one sixth of the time. Amazing! For every Harry Potter book you’re getting almost 7 versions of HSM. Because HSM1 was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good.

I am not against Disney making movies. I am not against the idea of a movie about high school musicals (I’m a Theatre teacher who directs musicals…I like musicals). But I am against Disney milking something until it’s dead. Within two months of the release of HSM1, Disney released the rights for high schools around the world to produce their own staged version of HSM. In fact, there were advertisements telling students to ask their high school drama teachers to produce the show. To the average Joe Six-Pack this was not a big deal. But it impacted my world. For the rest of the year I had to hear <whiny teenage girl voice>”Let’s do HSM! PLEASE, LET’S DO HSM!” </whiny teenage girl voice>. I even had a 70 year old woman (substitute teacher) decide to usurp my lesson plans and show HSM. Yeah, working on that study guide for their midterm exam wasn’t as important as the elderly’s love for Zac and Vanessa. But I digress…

I used to work for Disney and I know how they work. They say it’s “not about making money, but giving a high caliber product to their family audience.” (That was taken from my 1st training session as a “cast member”). But milking the same story into 7 different versions doesn’t just extend an overused subject, it completely destroys the magic of the first film. Case in point, HSM won several awards in 2006. Nothing has been won since. In fact, Disney was so desperate to continue the franchise after HSM that it completely ignored its stance on its performers maintaining a wholesome image and allowed Vanessa Hudgens to keep her role despite very racy (AKA naked) photos of herself being released on the internet and later stated that they were intended for her fellow cast mate boyfriend Zac Efron. But who needs standards?

HSM is not “the great American Musical.” I know that. But when there are so many great works of film and television, it seems like a direct slap in the face to the consumer when Disney milks these franchises for all they are worth. I am still waiting for a similar parody by South Park that will mirror what they did to Spielberg and Lucas for what they did to Indiana Jones.

Btw, didn’t Sharpay (Ashley Tisdale’s character) have a “break a leg” moment at the end of HSM1? Why was she still trying to breakup Gabriella (Vanessa) and Troy (Zac) in HSM2? Disney had told me and other audience members that people apparently don’t learn from their mistakes. How pessemistic. I’m sure Sharpay will figure it all out in HSM3.

Also, the TV, film and stage franchises of HSM are just the tip of the iceberg. Checkout the DVDs, the Ice Tour, Book series, and 5 video games. Thankfully, HSM: the Reality Series (Get in the Picture)failed after one season (11 episodes). God is still looking out for us.

Finished Brisingr today

“Through the slits of his brightly polished helm, his blue eyes bored into Eragon, pinning him into place, like an arrow through a rabbit. He lifted his free hand and held it out toward Eragon. ‘My son, come with me. Together, we can destroy the Varden, kill Galbatorix, and conquer all of Alagaesia. But give me your heart, and we shall be invincible.’”
- Brisingr, p. 487


There are a lot of made up words in Brisingr, so I’m considering the correlation with the graph. There’s even an attempt at an appendix in the back, complete with pronunciation guide. But here’s the deal:

Let’s say that you got past the Eragon/Aragorn, Arya/Arwen, Old Brom (Dragon Rider in exile)/Old Ben (Jedi Master in exile), Empire burning down the farm boy’s aunt and uncle and farm/Empire burning down the farm boy’s aunt and uncle and farm, Paolini still doesn’t stop.

Is there any epic where an armored villain is not someone’s dad? And the middle of an aerial combat is not the best place to have a Dr. Phil “if you believe in yourself, you can re-invent yourself and rise above your circumstances” conversation. The whole middle of the book is “whose gods are real, the nomads’ or the dwarves’, or are the elves right and there are no gods?” philosophy rants. It sounded very anachronistic when he’s talking about “all of the gods are good and we all point to something”.

The end was cool because characters died, and when Eragon has a sword named Fire, every time he says its name it ignites on accident.

The part that made me laugh but was not a deal-breaker? The power of the evil king (which, wasn’t it an empire?) comes from a dragon’s heart of hearts: a tiny crystal colored the same as their scales and egg. How does a dragon give you their heart? By vomiting it at your feet. Yeah, a page dedicated to a regurgitating ceremony.

And there are some awkward moments where Eragon and his dragon, Sapphira, have some intimate interactions. Is she like a mom or are they even closer? I don’t know. Kinda weird.

Mix all this in with self-mutilation and heroes that drain the life energy out of people/unsuspecting creatures “for the greater good”, and it took some effort to finish the book.

Why I’m glad Force Unleashed is not 1:1 motion sensitive

Why are you waving you hand around like that? What, you think you’re some kind of Jedi or something?

We’re not Jedi.

Nor are most Star Wars fans trained/coordinated enough to hang with another Force user in combat. The result of 1:1 would be even more flailing/a wagglefest (wagglefest being IGN’s word, even though they had a lot of fun. I agree that the camera and graphics are annoying, but the controls and immersion are awesome and make up for the shortfalls for me. And the storyline is great Star Wars, as mentioned before.).

The controls definitely do not feel limited. I can chain together combos at will, mixing in Force powers to spice it up/advance subplots I write in my head. It feels a lot like the combat from Jedi Academy and I’m okay with that. (I liked it.)(Jedi Academy was released on Sept. 16? Interesting.)

If you’re one of my graphic design/typography friends, though, you won’t like the instruction manual. No grammar errors upon first glance, but what caught my attention was that they printed all of the screenshots at too dark of a contrast. Many times it’s just a black box with a bright line (lightsaber) in the middle.

These are just some additions to my first impressions as I sit at work. Waiting.

Today is Vans day. I have a picture of the A-Team vehicle attached to my lanyard. Perhaps not the initial intent of the spirit day.

Funny librarian patron stories real quick:

  1. A student walked up to me today, no introduction, just, “If you have a problem, and if you can find them, maybe you can call…”
  2. A couple of days ago a student walked up to the desk wearing the inner workings of a wall clock and clock hands on a giant chain. I told him it was awesome, since it still kept time. I also told him he couldn’t be late to anything. This is a continuation of junior high library fashion.

Force Unleashed First Thoughts


On this, our 1,112th post, you may be surprised that I’m talking about Star Wars.
For my non-Star Wars readers, you should know that when I tried to print author photos, my wife’s grandma had to walk me through the process of setting up the photo paper and printer buttons correctly.

Since it’s all flipped, know that when I say Light Side I mean all things good about Star Wars, like Wookiees.

By Dark Side, I mean all signs of George Lucas dementia, like showing a wampa eating, the Life Day celebration, and the entire population of Naboo.

Dark Side

  1. Camera unleashed – still figuring out how to lock onto characters effectively.
  2. I guess Sith operate all electronic devices by using a lightsaber as a stylus
  3. General Kota’s non-moving mouth – “Hey, kid, don’t be like Vader. And, um, oil can…”

Light Side

  1. Starting out the game as Vader – usually it’s something that you work towards, but once the first cutscene is done you are the Dark Lord of the Sith crushing a Wookiee rebellion; pillars and ryyk blades go flying
  2. Using the Wii remote to slash down troopers – Meesa likin’ da slashins Yubjub!
  3. Lining up and tilting the nunchuck to the onscreen prompt actually works – and if you succeed, the Apprentice busts out some Yoda versus Dooku moves

I am too old to play video games.

Okay, so I’ve been following Force Unleashed for more than two years now and now it’s two weeks away. I guess I’m not too old for most games. In fact, I still obsess over them.

Recently my dad has walked into the game room while my brother and I are playing a Rainbow Six/Resistance-type game and has to walk out immediately or else pass out.

Here is a list of games that make me motion sick. Here, as I approach a landmark birthday this school year. Here, as I thought would never happen. Here, as I desperately need to try a rollercoaster to give me hope. Here, a list of why I am old-fogeyfiying:


  1. TimeSplitters – I got this one in the $5 bin at Circuit City while Jeremy and I were picking up tapes for a filming gig. Split-screen four player capture the flag madness: Excellence in a PS2 bargain game. But play it in singleplayer story mode and it’s a different story. A mansion full of zombies: Lose my brain? Nope, just my lunch. This game actually makes me sweat (like when I saw Dracula at the Herberger in high school), I get so nauseous.

  2. TimeSplitters: Future Perfect – More storyline and more quickly rotating nausea

  3. Sonic Heroes – To its credit, when my wife and I sat down to play this for the first time, I had on Japanese audio and Spanish subtitles.
    And then the screen began to pulse to techno while giggling rodents freefell through gumdrops and lollipops. Not confident in just that, they started moving faster, screaming in Japanese the whole time. Thankfully I borrowed this one from my brother so I didn’t feel too bad shelving it after 30 minutes.

  4. Gyrostarr- I downloaded this WiiWare title last night to play with my oldest. Co-op shooter on the same screen, not big penalties for death, we were having fun. And then we got to level 5. I had to look away for a while; my daughter held down the fire button with one hand while she flipped through a Precious Moments coloring book with the other. Click here to experience the wonder of Gyrostarr

Not too old for video games, just the psycho ones.

Finished Reading Force Unleashed

If the game is anything like the book, Star Wars fans (Bel Iblis fans) will be excited.

What’s funny is that the author builds in weapon customization and outfit changes that you see in video games. And we get to see the origins of the Rebellion (and a bunch of other stuff), more than just the meeting that was in the deleted scenes of Episode III.

Haden Blackman, you still give Slade cause to worry.

Sean Williams, I actually liked your book. (No Michael Stackpole, but there can be only one…D’oh. Wrong franchise.)

A Friday night with my brother, the counter-terrorist

A transcript of my brain while playing Rainbow Six: Vegas 2:

Ooh. Nice credits, like a movie. Whoa. I’m in a government building making a customized version of me, complete with distinguished graying sideburns. That adds pathos.

Hey. Why’s it fading? Oh, some guy’s narrating in a little Weather Channel window. High pressure system with a slight chance of chemical weapons.

Okay. Diplomats. Check. Terrorists. Check. Now, if I remember my Rogue Spear correctly, we’ll spend the next half hour clicking on a map so that my guy will wait around for one shot and if he screws up the penalty is not just mission failure but another half hour at a map. So let’s just…hold on! Some guy’s waving at me on a mountain top? I guess I need to follow. No map?

No cutscene. Some suit is talking to me. I hope he doesn’t noticed my armored brother gyrating behind him.

Run around, save the day. What?! You wanted your hostages alive? You don’t know what you’re talking about. Grenades are a very elegant weapon. Amateur. When does Slade get his gold-plated AK-47?

The villain’s running away dressed as one of our men? How very 24. I just heard that our chief tech on our Comm Team has to take her friend’s kid to work and her slacker hacker ex-husband’s AA sponsor won’t return her phone calls. And there’s some satellite imaging, I think.

Ah! The villain is wanting to parlay. Let me just cover him with my…sniper rifle? Hold on! Let me switch…no, not the thermal vision! Boom. I am now on my back and everything’s in trippy colors while I wait to respawn.

Next mission. We’re lined up outside of the control center. A well-placed flashbang and we should be home free. Perfect place to pause the game. Ooh, nice menu. Sure, Slade, go use the restroom. Hmm…I can still hear the narration. Well, hello there, Team AI. You’re lined up to go in, too?

“Go, go, go!”? Slade! Get back here! No time for the bathroom! The Norwegians’ lives are at stake!

Not cool! No pause? Not cool!

The game becomes more intense as one mission flows to the next without pause and my tongue swells from thirst and I fear the political repercussions of using the restroom.

In all honesty, the game promises more hours of play and more options for multiplayer. Player 2 can’t issue commands to the AI, but can jump in and out of story mode at will. There’s also the classic Terrorist Hunt stages with some new maps. This is not the old school Rainbow Six that I remember. A lot more streamlined, a lot faster action (rappelling?) and now if you get shot you wait for a respawn. Poor Ding Chavez, who always used to die on the old second mission because he was too fatigued, never to return for the rest of the game.

Really messes with continuity which really messes with me.

Sadly, I finished another Brian Jacques novel

It’s all about the pronunciations.

First off, it’s Brian JAKES, not like the French ocean explorer. I used to argue for the French, until I heard it on the audiobook of Martin the Warrior. The narrator pronounced it weirdly. Yeah, I found out the narrator was the author.

So much fun. Characters named Felldoh, Tramun Clogg, Badrang, Grumm, and Snogglenose – you just keep pronouncing them as you go through the day. My daughter was called a salty searat the entire road trip today.

Also – Mike – what’s your take on the pouting Olympic wrestler?
A cranky Olympian. I didn’t predict it.

Army of Two Review

The first part, for my mom:
We’re watching Lois and Clark Season 3 “We have something to talk about”. Lois is doing jumping jacks on a fitness pad and a terrorist has rigged up a bomb to blow up if she stops. The terrorist radios in taunts. Then Clark is at a mafia party where a bomb can sense his dense structure and will blow if he moves.

My thoughts? An early version of Wii Fit complete with Balance Test.

On to The Two:
My brother and I just finished Army of Two. Great graphics where you can see your masked sociopath headbutt crunch a suicidal bomber. And you’re controlling the character the whole time.

Lots of customization. I added a longer stock to the sniper rifle and more ammo to my .44. My brother, on the other hand, paid to have his AK-47 gold plated.

The best part of the game is the Aggro meter, where it measures who is the baddest and grabs the attention of the baddies the most. Our strategy? I fire randomly, laying down true suppressive fire, while my brother sneaks around and wreaks havoc. And there’s no hit points. Instead, your screen will get hazy and then go red and then go white as you slowly die. But your partner can drag you to safety for field medicine. The injured can still fire while being dragged.

Lots of fun. But here are the negatives:

  1. Very short storyline. 6 missions, but they go by very quickly. This is not Metal Gear Solid.
  2. Not too much replay value. Yet. We immediately started a new campaign to try out new weapons (a chaingun for me, a platinum grenade launcher for my brother) but it’s real tough to be accurate and accuracy is key or you’ll be hearing a lot of, “Tyce! I’m hit! [expletive][expletive] save me!” This is the game to set aside and then come back to for just all-around psycho firepower.
  3. On top of short missions, the storyline is weak. There’s a huge conspiracy but it’s already solved in the instruction manual. I guess they forgot I actually read the manual. No joke, from the manual. “Every mission that Dalton organizes you get ambushed. Isn’t this suspicious?” I expected more pathos from antisocial mercenaries.

The game’s fun and there are some cool new takes on the shooter concept. Aside from the short, ridiculous storyline, it was worth it. We did go for secondary objectives, which add storyline and money. “I found this briefcase. Not only is a villain here, but this is info on his training camp.” I appreciate that. The back-to-back two guys surrounded by fifty villains firefight option is cool. We did not do the gun swapping, nor did we really utilize the “we just blew up a town, air guitar!” feature (press ‘X’ next to your partner). Nor did we use the, “Tyce, let’s co-op snipe!” mode. (Yeah, they say that in the game.)

But we did snipe together independently. You know how Metal Gear and Rainbow Six made popular the shaky scope with heavy breathing?

Now imagine heavy breathing after running in heavy armor with a metal mask on your face. Those are some interesting sounds. My brother describes it best.
“Most awkward prank phone call ever.”

Barbarian’s Guide to Places to See While in the Flagstaff Area

Attention all once and future denizens of Flagstaff!

A group of my friends are going to be staying a while in Flagstaff as tourists. Which locations would you recommend as fun/must-see locales? (I think we can all benefit from the shared knowledge/nostalgia. Hey, we might even make a Knol…Meh.)

Mike and Devin – You’ll be glad to know that ResLife has a Facebook group for incoming freshmen. Funny stuff.

Here are my recommendations -
This list is far from complete and is in desperate need of comments.
The Booyor Honor Tour:
Tinsley Hall (44) – Freshmen year, Cowden Hall (38) – Sophomore year (the Year of the Shinai), Sechrist Hall (42) – Junior year (the RA year), and Cowden Hall again when Devin rescued me from Sechrist AND Tinsley in a daring ploy involving a wheelbarrow and a holocaust cloak senior year

Breakfast:
The Place (Mike and Rhonda’s)

Lunch:
Crystal Creek Sandwich Company

Dinner:
Wings at Granny’s Closet
Black Bart’s (employs mainly NAU choir performance majors for a rousing rustler review)

The Big City-type Stuff:
Target
Harkins

The Outdoors:
Oak Creek Canyon (driving from Flagstaff to Sedona using 89A)

Lava Tubes
Lowell Observatory
Snowbowl
Meteor Crater
Lake Mary/Mormon Lake (It’s a lake. Great for campfires and cookouts. Not too many laser shows, though.)
Sunset Crater
Walnut Canyon

What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t mention Tamara and Jason’s Places of the Heart, to give artists’ take on places/events of interest in the 86011. (Jason made the site, Tamara (who was in my honors classes and shared many a campus walk with me) is the curator.)

Any map errors we here at the bloggh attribute to Google error. I mean, who are we to give directions?

Midnight Dark Knight CineCapri

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I promise to keep this as spoiler-free as I can.
We saw the 12:01am showing with Mike and his wife. The experience (and movie) was great.
Thanks in part to some staples of nerd-dom:
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Thanks to my wife for the Dots and Mike for the RockStar. Add that to the Harkins cup full of Dr. Pepper and the three Diet Cokes I consumed at Elephant Bar and I had consumed more pajunk in one night than in the previous month. I’m a lot older now. The last midnight showing I went to was Episode II. (I think. There was some minor memory less last night.)
We sat really close to the giant curved screen, but that’s okay. We were closer to the pre-pre-show entertainment:
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I am convinced that whenever fanboys get together in large crowds, two will try to do a handstand race.
There were some dressed up, but definitely not as much as a Star Wars premiere. We had one row of Robin, Penguin, Poison Ivy, Joker, Catwoman, and Pancho. And a beach ball. Can’t be a midnight show without a beach ball. But the funniest were guys in matching ill-fitting Batman pajamas.

Oh, yeah. Lots of white faces with lipstick smeared. Thankfully only a few didn’t realize that when the Joker is laughing, you probably shouldn’t be.

We did see the Watchmen trailer. There was also some movie with DiCaprio and Crowe that most of the crowd gave a collective, “Huh?”. But other trailers, like Quantum of Solace, got large applause and cheers. No Terminator trailer, though.

The actual Dark Knight movie? Awesome. But I cannot stress enough to not take kids to it. I knew going in that this was going to be a deranged Joker (instead of a dapper chap with a thing for playing cards) but there are some pretty intense “smile-inducing” scenes. Instead of nerve toxin substitute in large knives.

But the balance between Chaos and Rule is amazing (insert Chance with Harvey Dent and you have a winner). I think this is part of why I dig Batman so much. There’s all these freaks goin’ crazy and he still holds to his rule set. He doesn’t have to steal a Cloak of Invisibility to break curfew at Hogwart’s…every single time. If Batman were to cross the line it would be that more dramatic. There’s a part where Bruce Wayne busts up some clown grins and steals a shotgun. As he walks methodically he dismantles it part by part. Christopher Nolan understands the nuances of Batman.

The baddies are so realistic, which is crazy for a series that popularized biffs and pows in the 60s. The Joker could really happen. He’s got motivation. His crimes seem plausible. My wife and I had this discussion on the 3 am way home. The only difference is that all of the violence is compounded into a short amount of time. He’s not patient. We had a prison hostage situation that lasted 15 days. That and the sniper cases stand out as large crimes. The thing stopping us from having a Joker is that he’s not patient enough.

That and not every single government worker/police officer/lunch lady is corrupt, which I guess is a major difference between our world and Dark Knight/24.

I liked the movie a lot. Dinner was awesome, too, if you care for sweet and sour chicken. (If not, go try the veal. Mike the Lambslayer can give you some recommendations.)

Go see the movie. Enjoy it. Don’t take your kids. And if you sit in the front left at CineCapri, look away during the Mummy trailer. Lots of explosions, skeletons, crashing planes, and more than enough to slosh your high fructose corn syrup-influenced coma.

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At least we weren’t at the 3am showing. (And a 6am showing? Wow.)

Saw Wall-E, Going to See Dark Knight

Mike and I with our women. CineCapri. Midnight showing.
My wife and I saw Batman Begins with the Concrete Pathways people. I remember some vigilante justice at Famous Dave’s Pig Extinction. I predict more caped-ness of the same degree. I’ve been training since then.

Wall-E reminded me of A.I. (imagine that) where part of the movie felt like arthouse and then the remainder felt like cliche Hollywood. The part that hit me was the spork. No words, just Wall-E trying to classify between the fork pile and the spoon pile and eventually getting frustrated. No words were needed, we were connected with the character. And then the humans came. Rejected Robots (a la Toy Story and Rudolph’s Singing Elf Dentist) and comedic calamity. I enjoyed it, but definitely liked discovering the world through Wal-E’s eyes.

And it has Fred Willard. What else do you need? Did you like M-O, the cleaning robot? Ben Burtt, foley genius.
But did Ben Burtt really work on Ryan vs. Dorkman 2? Or is it just because they ganked the sound effects. Oh, well. Their stuff is always fun to watch.
And yes, Mike, I’ll mention Grayson.

Must Watch: Sitting Up and Bella

I take for granted how much of an accomplishment it is to sit up. I notice it now when I see the extreme effort, the ab workout that my daughter is doing to be able to accomplish something that no longer gains me my wife’s applause.

My daughter definitely is cuter than me trying to sit up.

Also! Make sure that you watch Alejandro Monteverde’s masterpiece, Bella. Very awesome movie.
Bella Movie Poster
It’s pretty much a slap in the face to cliches/stereotypes/conventions. And how does it do that? By portraying life.

Monteverde wrote it/directed it himself and many of the actors and production staff were working for passion and not money.

Many things I love about this film, but one of the cool parts is that it takes out all of the filler. You know how some movies will be all, “Leading man! I must leave now out of anguish and fear. Here is an establishing shot of me walking away to segue! Segue!”

Monteverde takes that out. It leads to some pretty interesting timeline aspects. Is this a flashback, foreshadow, or just a possible future?

Beards and scarves
Beards and scarves, baby.

But Bella avoids melodrama. It’s not a telenovela, not even close. The incredibly tense-emotion-type stuff is released by natural means, like in my favorite scene. Main man is reminiscing with main woman in an old car. “Last time I drove this, I went to jail.” We see why and there’s tears and all that, but then younger brother hops into the back seat with a, “I’ve met the woman I’m going to marry.” (Even though he’s known her for only a week.)

Monteverde and Eduardo Verástegui (main man) said in the “making of” that they wanted a refreshing movie where a Latino family didn’t have to deal with drugs, gang violence, or running from La Migra. Those issues are nowhere to be seen, because frankly not everyone in New York is living in the seedy underbelly.

It won lots of awards, including top prize at Toronto. It’s in the same category as Chariots of Fire, American Beauty, Life is Beautiful, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon “Li Mu Bai!!!” and Hotel Rwanda .

Not bad for a dollar rental from the kiosk.
(I should have learned from Stardust. The kiosk rocks. (Even if I did fall asleep during 300.)(The Spirit? Hmmmm. Will Eisner…Samuel L. Jackson…Intriguing noir.))

And yes, Devin, A Study in Emerald is amazing.

Single greatest FPS game out right now

Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare is without a doubt the best FPS team-based multiplayer game out right now. Others would say, “Ohz you n00bz0r Counter-Strike: Source is da bestest cause it’z so REEAAALLL.”

For you gamers out there who are looking for an actually FUN game that’s not incredibly boring then I highly recommend heading over to CoD 4 – it’s got vehicles, all types of modern weaponry, and the team communication is unprecedented. In CS:S the biggest thing you have to worry about is, “Ok, am I going to get randomly killed by a headshot from a guy who’s firing his AK47 at will.

Besides that the age demographic of players in CoD 4 is higher, whereas Counter-Strike: Source players range from the ages of 12-18. Somehow you just get tired of getting yelled at and taunted by pre-mature kids. It’s so hilarious to hear a high-pitched voice go, “YOU HACK OMG I CAN’T BELIEVE IT YOU’RE SO OBVIOUSLY HACKING YOU MORON” and then you(with a much deeper voice) say, “What, son?” Then all is quiet, and then you have to start laughing uncontrollably.

Bottom line, go get CoD 4 and play it for hours upon hours.

The Arrival by Shaun Tan

The Giants from The Arrival
The Haiku
Would they know my name?
Would they look so strange to me?
Am I alien?

Shaun Tan is a fan of strangers in a strange land, and The Arrival follows his trend.

The story of an immigrant man leaving his family behind to pave the way for them in the land of opportunity, there is absolutely no dialogue. It relies solely on symbolism and inferences.

For an old Language Arts teacher? Yeah, pretty cool.

Finishing up the labels today for standardized testing, I found the following picture hilarious:

It’s a great read and is good for a quick pace. Once the Language Arts teachers are done with it I’ll need to sit down and figure out just where those Giants are from. (Is it a Holocaust reference?)

The permanent links on his site are a little weird, so I quote a big chunk of his description knowing that I link back to the source.

The following is an extract from an article written for Viewpoint Magazine http://extranet.edfac.unimelb.edu.au/LLAE/viewpoint/, describing some of the ideas and process behind this book.

Looking over much of my previous work as an illustrator and writer, such as The Rabbits (about colonisation), The Lost Thing (about a creature lost in a strange city) or The Red Tree (a girl wandering through shifting dreamscapes), I realise that I have a recurring interest in notions of ‘belonging’, particularly the finding or losing of it. Whether this has anything to do with my own life, I’m not sure, it seems to be more of a subconscious than conscious concern. One contributing experience may have been that of growing up in Perth, one of the most isolated cities in the world, sandwiched between a vast desert and a vaster ocean. More specifically, my parents pegged a spot in a freshly minted northern suburb that was quite devoid of any clear cultural identity or history. A vague awareness of Aboriginal displacement (which later sharpened into focus with a project like The Rabbits) only further troubled any sense of a connection to a ‘homeland’ in this universe of bulldozed ‘tabula rasa’ coastal dunes, and fast-tracked, walled-in housing estates.

Being a half-Chinese at a time a place when this was fairly unusual may have compounded this, as I was constantly being asked ‘where are you from?’ to which my response of ‘here’ only prompted a deeper inquiry, ‘where do your parents come from?’ At least this was far more positive attention than the occasional low-level racism I experienced as a child, and which I also noticed directed either overtly or surreptitiously at my Chinese father from time to time. Growing up I did have a vague sense of separateness, an unclear notion of identity or detachment from roots, on top of that traditionally contested concept of what it is to be ‘Australian’, or worse, ‘un-Australian’ (whatever that might mean).

Beyond any personal issues, though, I think that the ‘problem’ of belonging is perhaps more of a basic existential question that everybody deals with from time to time, if not on a regular basis. It especially rises to the surface when things ‘go wrong’ with our usual lives, when something challenges our comfortable reality or defies our expectations – which is typically the moment when a good story begins, so good fuel for fiction. We often find ourselves in new realities – a new school, job, relationship or country, any of which demand some reinvention of ‘belonging’.

This was uppermost in my mind during the long period of work on The Arrival, a book which deals with the theme of migrant experience. Given my preoccupation with ‘strangers in strange lands’, this was an obvious subject to tackle, a story about somebody leaving their home to find a new life in an unseen country, where even the most basic details of ordinary life are strange, confronting or confusing – not to mention beyond the grasp of language. It’s a scenario I had been thinking about for a number of years before it crystallised into some kind of narrative form.

The book had no single source of inspiration, but rather represents the convergence of several ideas. I had been thinking at one stage about the somewhat invisible history of the Chinese in Western Australia, particularly in an area of South Perth once used as vast market gardens a century ago, which is now grassed parkland. I did a little research into who these people were and how they related to the Anglo-Australian community around them, and came to be particularly motivated by one short story, ‘Wong Chu and The Queen’s Letterbox’ by the West Australian writer T.A.G. Hungerford, which draws on the author’s childhood memories of a strange, segregated group of misunderstood men, and considers their tragic isolation from families back in China.

Drawing on more immediate sources, my father came to Australia from Malaysia in 1960 to study architecture, where he met my mother in who was then working in a store that supplied technical pens (hence my existence some time later – I have a special appreciation for technical pens). Dad’s stories are sketchy, and usually focus on specific details, as is the way of most anecdotes – the unpalatable food, too cold or too hot weather, amusing misunderstandings, difficult isolation, odd student jobs and so on. In researching a variety of other migrant stories, beginning with post-war Australia and then broadening out to periods of mass-migration to the US around 1900, it was the day to day details that seemed most telling and suggested some common, universal human experiences. I was reminded that migration is a fundamental part of human history, both in the distant and recent past. On gathering further anecdotes of overseas-born friends – and my partner who comes from Finland – as well as looking at old photographs and documents, I became aware of the many common problems faced by all migrants, regardless of nationality and destination: grappling with language difficulties, home-sickness, poverty, a loss of social status and recognisable qualifications, not to mention the separation from family.

In seeking to re-imagine such circumstances (of which I have no first-hand experience) my original idea for a fairly conventional picture book developed into a quite different kind of structure. It seemed that a longer, more fragmented visual sequence without any words would best captured a certain feeling of uncertainty and discovery I absorbed from my research. I was also struck with the idea of borrowing the ‘language’ of old pictorial archives and family photo albums I’d been looking at, which have both a documentary clarity and an enigmatic, sepia-toned silence. It occurred to me that photo albums are really just another kind of picture book that everybody makes and reads, a series of chronological images illustrating the story of someone’s life. They work by inspiring memory and urging us to fill in the silent gaps, animating them with the addition of our own storyline.

In ‘The Arrival’, the absence of any written description also plants the reader more firmly in the shoes of an immigrant character. There is no guidance as to how the images might be interpreted, and we must ourselves search for meaning and seek familiarity in a world where such things are either scarce or concealed. Words have a remarkable magnetic pull on our attention, and how we interpret attendant images: in their absence, an image can often have more conceptual space around it, and invite a more lingering attention from a reader who might otherwise reach for the nearest convenient caption, and let that rule their imagination.

I was particularly impressed by Raymond Briggs’ The Snowman, having come across it for the first time while thinking about my migrant story. In silent pencil drawings, Briggs describes a boy building a snowman which then comes to life, and is introduced to the magical indoor world of light-switches, running water, refrigeration, clothing and so on; the snowman in turn introduces the boy to the night-time world of snow, air and flight. The parallels between this situation and my own gestating project were very strong, so I could not help reading the silent snowman and small boy as ‘temporary migrants’, discovering the ordinary miracles of each other’s country in a modest, enchanting fashion. It also confirmed the power of the silent narrative, not only in removing the distraction of words, but slowing down to reader so that they might mediate on each small object and action, as well as reflect in many different ways on the story as a whole.

Of course, this came at some expense, as words are wonderfully convenient conveyors of ideas. In their absence, even describing the simplest of actions, like someone packing a suitcase, buying a ticket, cooking a meal or asking for work threatened to become a very complicated, laborious and potentially slippery exercise in drawing. I had to find a way of carrying this kind of narrative that was practical, clear and visually economical.

Unwittingly, I had found myself working on a graphic novel rather than a picture book. There is not a great difference between the two, but in a graphic novel there is perhaps far more emphasis on continuity between multiple frames, actually closer in many ways to film-making than book illustration. I have never been a great reader of comics (having come at illustration as a painter) so much of my research was redirected to a study of different kinds of comics and graphic novels. What shapes are the panels? How many should be on a page? What is the best way to cut from one moment to the next? How is the pace of the narrative controlled, especially when there are no words? A useful reference was Understanding Comics by Scott McCloud, which details many aspects of ‘sequential art’ in a way that is both theoretical and practical, not least because it’s a textbook written as a comic – and very cleverly done. I noticed also that many Japanese comics (manga) use large tracts of silent narrative, and exploit a sense of visual timing that is slightly different from Western comics, which I found very instructive. Simultaneously, I had been working in some capacity as an animation director recently with a studio in London, adapting The Lost Thing as a short film (where much of the narrative is silent) and closely studying to the techniques used by storyboard artists and editors in that industry. All of these pieces of ‘research’ informed the style and structure of the book over several full-length revisions.

The actual process of then producing the final images came to be more like film-making than conventional illustration. Realising the importance of consistency over multiple panels, coupled with a stylistic interest in early photographs, I physically constructed some basic ‘sets’ using bits of wood and fridge-box cardboard, furniture and household objects. These became simple models for drawn structures in the book, anything from towering buildings to breakfast tables. With the right lighting, and some helpful friends acting out the roles of characters plotted in rough drawings, I was able to video or photograph compositions and sequences of action that seemed to approximate each scene. Selecting still images, I played with these by digitally, distorting, adding and subtracting, drawing over the top of them, and testing various sequences to see how they could be ‘read’. These became the compositional references for finished drawings that were produced by a more old-fashioned method – graphite pencil on cartridge paper. For each page of up to twelve images, the whole process took about a week… not including any rejects, of which there were several.

Much of the difficulty involved combining realistic reference images of people and objects into a wholly imaginary world, as this was always my central concept. In order to best understand what it is like to travel to a new country, I wanted to create a fictional place equally unfamiliar to readers of any age or background (including myself). This of course is where my penchant for ‘strange lands’ took flight, as I had some early notions of a place where birds are merely ‘bird-like’ and trees ‘tree-like’; where people dress strangely, apartment fixtures are confounding and ordinary street activities are very peculiar. This is what I imagine it must be like for many immigrants, a condition ideally examined through illustration, where every detail can be hand-drawn.

That said, imaginary worlds should never be ‘pure fantasy’, and without a concrete ring of truth, they can easily cripple the reader’s suspended disbelief, or simply confuse them too much. I’m always interested in striking the right balance between everyday objects, animals and people, and their much more fanciful alternatives. In the case of ‘The Arrival’, I drew heavily my own memories of travelling to foreign countries, that feeling of having basic but imprecise notions of things around me, an awareness of environments saturated with hidden meanings: all very strange yet utterly convincing. In my own nameless country, peculiar creatures emerge from pots and bowls, floating lights drift inquisitively along streets, doors and cupboards conceal their contents, and all around are notices that beckon, invite or warn in loud, indecipherable alphabets. These are all equivalents to some moments I’ve experienced as a traveller, where even simple acts of understanding are challenging.

One of my main sources for visual reference was New York in the early 1900s, a great hub of mass-migration for Europeans. A lot of my ‘inspirational images’ blu-tacked to the walls of my studio were old photographs of immigrant processing at Ellis Island, visual notes that provided underlying concepts, mood and atmosphere behind many scenes that appear in the book. Other images I collected depicted street scenes in European, Asian and Middle-Eastern cities, old-fashioned vehicles, random plants and animals, shopfront signs and posters, apartment interiors, photos of people working, eating, talking and playing, all of them chosen as much for their ordinariness as their possible strangeness. Elements in my drawings evolved gradually from these fairly simple origins. A colossal sculpture in the middle of a city harbour, the first strange sight that greets arriving migrants, suggests some sisterhood with the Statue of Liberty. A scene of a immigrants travelling in a cloud of white balloons was inspired by pictures of migrants boarding trains as well as the night-time spawning of coral polyps, two ideas associated by common underlying themes – dispersal and regeneration.

Even the most imaginary phenomena in the book are intended to carry some metaphorical weight, even though they don’t refer to specific things, and may be hard to fully explain. One of the images I had been thinking about for years involved a scene of rotting tenement buildings, over which are ‘swimming’ some kind of huge black serpents. I realised that these could be read a number of ways: literally, as an infestation of monsters, or more figuratively, as some kind of oppressive threat. And even then it is open to the individual reader to decide whether this might be political, economic, personal or something else, depending on what ideas or feelings the picture may inspire.

I am rarely interested in symbolic meanings, where one thing ‘stands for’ something else, because this dissolves the power of fiction to be reinterpreted. I’m more attracted to a kind of intuitive resonance or poetry we can enjoy when looking at pictures, and ‘understanding’ what we see without necessarily being able to articulate it. One key character in my story is a creature that looks something like a walking tadpole, as big as a cat and intent on forming an uninvited friendship with the main protagonist. I have my own impressions as to what this is about, again something to do with learning about acceptance and belonging, but I would have a lot of trouble trying to express this fully in words. It seems to make much more sense as a series of silent pencil drawings.

I am often searching in each image for things that are odd enough to invite a high degree of personal interpretation, and still maintain a ring of truth. The experience of many immigrants actually draws an interesting parallel with the creative and critical way of looking I try to follow as an artist. There is a similar kind of search for meaning, sense and identity in an environment that can be alternately transparent and opaque, sensible and confounding, but always open to re-assessment. I would hope that beyond its immediate subject, any illustrated narrative might encourage its readers take a moment to look beyond the ‘ordinariness’ of their own circumstances, and consider it from a slightly different perspective. One of the great powers of storytelling is that invites us to walk in other people’s shoes for a while, but perhaps even more importantly, it invites us to contemplate our own shoes also. We might do well to think of ourselves as possible strangers in our own strange land. What conclusions we draw from this are unlikely to be easily summarised, all the more reason to think further on the connections between people and places, and what we might mean when we talk about ‘belonging’.

American Idol – “It’s Tricky”

Okay, so this is actually a song I like. And street ball with Jason of the Dreads? That’s funny. I love all the stunt doubles needed for a Ford commercial.

I’ll have to watch some of the performances in detail, but I do remember watching the Clark Brothers in The Next Great American Band. I think it’s great that they won. Any mandolin that can rock like that needs to be broadcast for millions of viewers. I would love to see my students want to grow up to be mandoliers. (I’m reminded of Mike’s Confederate father.)

Idol Gives Back (featuring, surprise, Bono) seems a tad self-serving, but any amount of poverty help is good, I guess. (And I’d rather have Bono do his thing than watch annoying Chihuahua-Purse Fiends eating brains.)

And that Phil guy having his wife in the music video is pretty cool.

While watching tonight, though, I realized that Jim Halpert (John Krasinski) is in the new Leatherheads movie.

Positives:
1. Jim Halpert
2. O Brother-ness
3. Big monolith of a man punching the defensive line

Negatives:
1. Bridget Jones

I don’t know, may be a date night.