Tag Archives: gladiators

Is American Gladiators as cool as Gizmodo’s egg gun?

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Well, Hogan, within the first two minutes, did his “Can I hear it?” hand to the ear. It’s the same events (with some new additions) but with an insane host. It immediately equals the original from twenty years ago. (But within the first event we’ve got a single mom injured (complete with slow motion replay)) and a skater dad versus a firefighter.

But is the new American Gladiators as cool as Gizmodo’s egg gun?

How cool are the components?

The Gladiators

Titan
Venom
Toa
Crush
Mayhem
Stealth
Justice
Siren
Wolf
Fury
Militia
Hellga
and an unhealthy looking ref

(And Hulk just called the skater dad “Brother”. Oh yeah!)

The Egg Gun

Cardboard tube
Caulking gun
Some electrical tape
Butane lighter
Evil laugh

The commonality of the household products for The Egg Gun makes it more accessible, but who was ever afraid of The Big Bad Caulking Gun? Wolf and Hellga set them over the edge.

1 point Gladiators.

Song Choice?

Gladiators
Another One Bites the Dust

Egg Gun
Weird Sitar in the Garage

Any use of Queen in a sporting event bumps it up to the classy level.

1 point Gladiators

Sponsors?

Subway Instant Replay

Bad Grammar Association

Easy one for the librarian. “Make sure it fit tight”…???

1 point Gladiators

Gladiator Militia just got injured. Craziness!

Ability to Re-Create on the Playground?

Hang Tough = Monkey Bars

Butane Lighter = School Paranoia/Homeland Security Watchlist

My wife used to play with her brothers on the playground as American Gladiators. Imagine a little Jeremy yelling out, “Gladiators ready?!?”

1 point Gladiators

Similarities to a video game?
Ducking under swing demolition balls a la Pitfall/Mario Galaxy.

Egg to the back like Bubsy.

Egg to the back. “Aaaahhh!” But that firefighter ducking “like my boys and I did on the East Side.”

Tie.

Best use of a sewing implement?

Straddling a Giant Thread Spool over a Pit

Using a Scissor on a Paper Towel Roll

Depends on if you’re running. In this scenario?
1 point Gladiators

But where else could a day-care provider take on a giant Savage Manbeast?

And the guy who came back after 14 years? “Third best thing. Having my kid, getting married, and kicking your…” Wow. And then he goes on to tear off a gladiator’s helmet and jump the whistle. Double wow.

But the ref’s reaction? “Your over hear givin’ him the business.” What, is this Mickey talking to Rocky? Did Burgess Meredith just show up? The Business? That’s the “code word” we use for our dog, Indiana, to “do his business” in the backyard.

Figuring in the 6 to 1 advantage adds a 3 second lead into the final event for Gladiators. We put the two competitors through The Eliminator (how long will they last?) and see that the Egg Gun is cool if double-barreled, but is beaten in a shoot-out by Throw a Dozen with my Own Friggin’ Arm while American Gladiators will be what the next few weeks’ Guilty Watercooler Talk will revolve around.

And a 500 mile an hour tennis ball versus something that comes out of a chicken? While you’re trying to send an exploding Gladiator flying by hitting a target?

Awesomeness.

The Haiku
Fire and a giant
spool of thread make it more fun
to exercise now.

What to do in a non-Heroic world

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The Haiku
How can I stand to
watch TV when there will be
no Heroes each week.

As a public service to our faithful readers, we on the editing staff have decided to provide some steps to take to cope in the “no Heroes on TV” interim (or, as well call it, The Long Dark Tea Time of the Soul).

Try a couple and know that you are not alone (unless you like Sylar, ’cause then we can’t be friends).

  1. Go to a department store dressing mirror and yell at “Jessica”.
  2. Riding in an elevator, grab your temples and curl up in pain, screaming,”Stop! I can’t let you have Molly!”
  3. Storm gallantly into McDonald’s claiming to be “Takezo Kensei the Sword Saint, here to restore the McRib to the regular menu” (a suitable alternative would be “reclaiming the righteousness of the Double Cheeseburger on the dollar menu”).
  4. Pretend that Matthew Fox can stop time.
  5. Mourn the absence of Nitro and Diamond on January 6.(woo, American Gladiators/Running Man)
  6. Jump off your mom’s roof wearing a red towel.
  7. Threaten to release strain 138 on the world population if more reality shows result from the writer’s strike.
  8. Two words: Potato Flippin’ Gun
  9. Create an Excel spreadsheet on the death tolls of a Self-Proclaimed Adam versus Kara Thrace Leading Humanity to Earth. Bar graph!
  10. Watch kids argue about who gets to run the Nation and who gets to sign the waiver to avoid a lawsuit.
  11. Know that Claire’s blood can help her dad, can bring back any hero that dies in the finale, but can’t bring Katee Sackhoff back to NBC.
  12. Obsess about 1-18-08 Cloverfield like the Internet fanboy that you are…did you check out our other articles?
  13. Put a globe on your kitchen table. Shine a flashlight on it. Spin the globe, saying,”Previously…” and then bust out with your Powers of Exposition
  14. Write a haiku a day until the next season about how you were just starting to get to know Alejandro.
  15. Put an AOL CD in your microwave for one minute and say, “Are you proud, Daddy?”
  16. Sleep naked on the docks. If anyone bothers you, claim amnesia.
  17. Know that Churck Bartowski just got another nine episodes.

If you are part of the hundreds (thanks for the heads up, Site Meter) who just tuned in within the last few hours, make sure to check out the finale insight that we provide, as well as expert analysis by The Master Predictor and Devin, Benevolent Dictator.
If you really love us and want to support more Heroes/the culture of “my people” updates, buy Heroes:Saving Charlie (the continuation of Hiro and Charlie the Waitress’ love), the Peter Petrelli/Milo Ventimiglio Poster, or Hiro Nakamura/Takezo Kensei’s sword (Amazon will sell anything).